Merry Christmas everyone!!!

I just really want to wish you all, and your familys a very merry, safe and happy Christmas and fun New Years!!!!

The last few weeks have been very emotional, and hard, but i have had so much support and love from so many places it has really helped so much.

im very much looking foward to christmas, looking foward to going away on holiday to Whitianga, camping with Darryl and Kaylee, then we have some friends joining us for New Years, it will be just great. im looking foward to blobbing with some wine and grapes and cheese (my favorite type of blobbing!) and just really spending time with my little family.

my wedding is only 7 weeks away, and things are sailing along just wonderfully at the moment, its really nice, but will be nicer when Darryl has a few days off work, he has been working from 6.30am till 9.30pm every single day (no days off!) for the last few weeks, i just cant wait to have him home again, will make everything just perfect :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! HAPPY NEW YEARS!! i hope Santa treats you all real good!!!!!


xxxxx

my heart is broken

unfortunalty im not pregnant anymore, i feel like my heart is being ripped in two, its so hard to deal with, its hard to type about, its hard to talk about, its hard to think about. im so guttered that i miscarried, im so guttered that i will never get to know this child, whether its a boy or a girl, what their personality is like, what they would have looked like, im so guttered that Kaylee has missed out this time on a little brother or sister and im guttered that we have missed out on our baby.

it hurts, im angry, im frustrated, im sad, all these emotions and all this pain. its really just not fair. i just have to take heart i think that it just wasnt meant to be this time, it will happen again one day, we just have more time with just Kaylee now and we have to cherish that

i wont post for a while, i think i need time to myself to grieve and mourn and scream and yell. i dont know how long it will take though.....

Look what i did!

i got photo taking today, and im sooo happy with how they turned out, even Darryl (the camera photo taking freak) was impressed!

I booked my first scan today, for Tuesday morning, it will be good to see exactly how far along i am and how everthing is progressing, oh yes and if there is in fact only 1 child and not 2 (well you never know!)

i havent been anywhere or done anything today, and its been really nice, Kaylee has had 2 nice sleeps (she needed them! we have been up since 6am!) and she has just gone out with Darryl in his car for a ride while i have a much needed sleep! which is where i am off to right now!!!!!

:) 

:) 

isnt she beautiful! 

HELLO!

yep ive been slack at posting! im sorry!

its been a very busy week actually, im getting a bit stressed, but trying not to stress at the same time! with the Wedding, Baby, Christmas, Camping Holiday, Birthdays coming up, and Bills to pay at the same time, guess whos left to do it all! yup me! ahhhhh deep breaths! Half of its my fault because once again i have spent wayyy too much recently and have incurred a few bills.... DOH! ANYWAY!!!!........

as i said its been a busy week, i have been trying to catch up with friends, book appointments, keep appointments, finish Christmas shopping and relax at the same time! im sooooo tired!

This pregnancy already is totally different then when i was pregnant with Kaylee, i was severly ill with Kaylee, vomiting every day until late pregnancy, where as i am nearly 7 weeks pregnant now and no morning sickness at all! to put my mind at ease im having an early scan done very soon just to make sure its all ok in there and things are growing as they are meant to! The only thing similar to my pregnancy with Kaylee is Chocolate milk, its all i want, chocolate milk (skim milk of course!) but i must really need the calcium because its a huge craving!

what else have i been doing... oh yes i found out that my friend who had her baby the day before i did (yes not only was Amelia born the same day as Kaylee, my other pregnant friend due around the same time had her baby the day before!!!) is pregnant again too! she is due around May, but has only just recently found out! and hopefully fingers crossed another couple of friends testing on the weekend will get positives too!! i love babies!!!!!

i met my midwife yesterday, she is soooo lovely! i clicked with her straight away, shes so not wishy washy, she has actually had children (4) herself AND i will be allowed to do what i want to do and where i want to do it this time!!! WAAAHOOOOOO!!! so yes she is very cool

Kaylee had her MMR jabs last week, and last night the reaction came through, high temp, really grizzly, didnt go down until 9.30, here i was thinking ahhh nice she will sleep until at least 8am, ahhh NO! 6am, just after Darryl left for work she started, and has been a big poo ever since! so she is back in bed already and will hopefully sleep the rest of the crappy mood away and wake up my lovely happy daughter!

Kaylee is SO independent at the moment, she wants to do everything herself, which is ok at home, but when we are out feeding and being in the pushchair is such a mission and makes me so stressed out! i brought her a book the other day which will arrive soon, which is called "there is a house inside my mummy" about a new little brother or sister growing in mummys tummy, very cute and very fitting i thought!!!

im hungry, but i dont know what i want to eat, nothing appeals, i REALLY want Sushi, but we all know i cant have that anymore, next on my list is Subway, once again i cant have that anymore either..... maybe a chocolate milk :p

oh yes and my due date has changed, may change again at the scan, but thats ok! lol i am due the 22nd of July, the EXACT same date Kaylee was due!!! freaky aye!!!

not an addict!

you know what! i just read the start of my blog, where it says im addicted to food, and i realised that this addiction has gone, the past month has changed a lifetime of habits and thoughts towards food, i havent had chocolate in way over a month, and i dont want it, and when i will have it, i wont have much, it makes me ill to think about sitting down to eat a whole bar of chocolate and a whole packet of chips now. Darryl had Pringles yesterday, yum! i can eat the whole container of those, well i used to, i was quite happy with 2 chips and off i toddled. i no longer wake up in the morning and decide what to have for dinner that night, i dont revolve my shopping trips around where im going to eat afterwards, i cant remember the last time i had hot chips, or biscuits or a burger, i have really changed, and its not until now that i have realised that.

pretty cool huh!! and what better time really, being pregnant and i really have to look after myself and eat the right types of food to keep this baby happy and healthy, the thought of fatty foods just makes my stomach lurch!

Anyway the weather today is georgous, so im off to do something witht his beautiful day :)

well what do ya know! :)

hehe 4 weeks and 6 days pregnant by my dates, and noooo im not one of these people to not tell anyone until a certain time, i like sharing :)

its been a beautiful day!

the weather was just stunning today and Kaylee was bouncing off the walls, so off to the park we went, we go to this park in Mairangi Bay which is fully enclosed, so Kaylee can just go anywhere and it isnt a problem, she loves it! we met Rochelle, Daniel and Maia there and they all played happily while we sat and gossiped :)

I didnt have breakfast today, naughty i know, but i had Sushi for lunch (again, naughty i know, but i figure every so often should be ok, i mean i am not on a diet to deprive myself) and im glad i had it now, i really enjoyed it! but i wont be having it again in a hurry, too much carbs at the moment, my tummy isnt used to them :)

now the house is dead silent, Kaylee is still asleep in the car and i am making the most of the peace! actually i just finished my avon order and paying some bills, which is good to do now while Kaylee isnt tugging on my pants!

we have a busy weekend planned, as usual its housework day tomorrow, but we will probably do something outside weather permitting, i really need to get back into the garden again, its a mess! i dont know what the poor neighbours think looking at our mess!!! nevermind

then Sunday we have a bbq planned at Darryls parents house, its nice to do the family thing now and again!

its really nice to be stress free at this time of the year for once, as Darryl is self employed its usualy a really hard time of the year, work starts dropping off, i usually havent done any christmas shopping (where as this time i have nearly finished!) and things get hard, but Darryl has a tonne of work coming up, usually this time of year its quiet, but he is busy as at the moment, so we are so rapt and so happy, makes you really love christmas!

YEAH ROCK ON SANTA!!!!! :p

immm sickkkkk!!!

and it sux! i feel like death warmed up, my whole head feels 3 times the size it should be, im so blocked up, very cold and can hardly move! Kaylee also isnt very well, has an icky headcold too and just isnt herself, poor wee thing, i still have to keep going to look after her, but man its hard!

we both have a dr appt tomorrow morning, so hopefully the dr can work out if it is a virus, or a cold, or sinuses, or the start of the flu, or something else! the appt was originally for Kaylee to get her 15 mth jabs (yes 1 mth late.... nevermind!) but i dont think i will get her done if she is already sick! so i am drowning my sorrows in Orange Juice, something i am not allowed to have but i really need to keep up the vit c if i want to shake this thing!

so no weigh in for me this week, i have just cancelled my weigh in for tomorrow, it isnt fair on the people at the clinic brining me and my germs into their small office. i am loving how well my clothing is fitting though, its really great. and everyone who i see who hasnt seen me for a while is blown away, and its only the first 5kg down! rock on!

other than getting sick (started yesterday) i had a really neat weekend, we went out to Botany to go shopping on Saturday (yes shopping, again.... if shopping was a sport i would SO ROCK at it!), we love it out there and spent hours out there, Kaylee had her first ever icecream in a cone, which she LOVED it was so cute, we didnt buy anything for ourselves, but got Kaylee her summer wardrobe, so satisfying looking at her closet and seeing all the winter stuff gone and the summer stuff taken its place, i love shopping for Kaylee because i can put her in anything, one day i will love shopping for me too :)

Yesterday consisted of visitors all day, was such a lovely day it was nice sitting outside drinking and chatting, was just great, then Darryl cooked dinner on the bbq and Kaylee and i snuggled on the couch and rested, we were well looked after!

Kaylee woke a couple of times during the night, as did i, but i ended up on the couch watching cartoons at 3am this morning and ended up falling asleep until 7ish when Darryl come back in

my post is all over the place today im sorry! my fingers hurt from typing! back to the couch and Dr Phil for me!

Measurement day!

ok quick post while Kaylee is quiet, i have vacuuming, dishes and dusting to do!

Weigh in today, lost another 1.7kg! total of 5kgs so far!!! i am very happy with this, i also had my measurements taken and get this! i have lost a total of 18.5cm from my chest, waist and hips!! *doing the shaky bum dance!!!* i am very happy with this, im shrinking! i lost the most from my waist, which must be the reason i can squeeze into the 16s!

ive spent most of today running around doing errands, and after the vacuuming im gunna relax! im trying to think of a treat i can have for losing the 5kgs.... might have a bubble bath!!!

Kaylee is dancing to the music here! while the parcel is going around 

Playing pass the parcel 

First driving lessons with Daddy!! 

Having a run around at the party 

My Pretty girl just before going to the birthday party 

very busy weekend!

well it was a very busy weekend here!

Friday night Darryl got home nice and early and we decided to go out for dinner, originally it was going to be takeaways on the beach (something healthy of course!) but we realised that we had NO food in the house and NEEDED to do the food shopping, so we headed over to Albany, stopped at Subway to get a kids pack for Kaylee (those things rock!) and rocked on over to a Thai place we hadnt tried before. they mucked up our order and it ended up with Darryl being finished his meal before i even got mine, but that worked out really well as Kaylee started getting grumpy and so i played with her while he ate and vice versa. The meals were really nice, i had a Prawn, Cashew and veggie dish and Darryl had a curry. like i said, really nice, but the service sucked! they came to get my wine glass, asked if i wanted another wine, i said no thanks, they saw my water glass was empty and took 1/2 an hour to fill it up! we had to ask to get it done!!! so back to our old haunts we will go! one nice place we go to is in Albany Village and the other is in Takapuna. I love Thai, its just so fresh and light and tasty! oh yeah and i went really light on the rice i had too, i didnt get a spicy dish so didnt feel i needed rice, and then we went and spent a fortune on the food shopping.... pain in the bum but we hadnt been shopping in two weeks (apart from fruit and vege), so we needed a fair bit!

On Saturday Kaylee and I took off shopping to find Georgia a Birthday present, Then Darryl, Kaylee and I went over to Devonport to take Kaylee to the park and so we could get out for a drive, but it rained! So we drove around for a bit, went into the city and up to Borders bookshop, had a browse for half an hour or so and then went on home again

Sunday was Georgias first birthday party, the weather cleared up nicely and there was a tonne of food! i stuck to lean meats and salad, and yes i had a wee bit of birthday cake and pav! Kaylee had a lot of fun, running around the whole time we were there, she was stuffed by the end of it though! but it was a great day, Georgia got a tonne of presents (as they do on their birthday!) and by the time we got back home both Kaylee and i went to bed and slept for 2 hours! we were all just a wee bit buggered!!

I am not weighing in tomorrow as i have Coffee Group in the morning, we are going to the zoo, but on Wednesdy is my week 4 weigh in and 1st measurements, im looking foward to it! i can feel im shrinking, i got into a size 16 pair of pants the other day BIG WAHOOOO!!! i was very rapt at that indeed!

Fabbo weather!

it is just awesome weather today! just stunning! my daughter is in an authoritive mood however and is on her 2nd sleep today because of it!

The Cross Trainer i borrowed rocks! im jumping on for 10-15 minutes at a time a few times a day, going to work towards an hour a day on it, but for now 1/2 an hour is my target, its brillient i can really feel it when im using it and having something when i have the tv on is great!

I have Georgias (Belindas daughter) 1st birthday party on Sunday, but other than that have a nice quiet weekend planned. Darryl is going away for Saturday night down Matamata way, so Saturday and Sat night i have the house all to myself, i think i might get a bit bored! will have to find a good book at the shops so i can curl up and read!

anyway, i hope you all have a fantastic weekend! make the most of this weather!!!!

Lovely day in the sunshine!

well, its just stunning here in Auckland today! and i have had a really great day :)

my friend Belinda invited me over for lunch, so i went over to her house at about 10.30ish, doing some errands on the way, i got there and we decided to go shopping (as ya do, remember i am the shopping queen!) so we popped out to Henderson to Kmart and Briscoes etc, well, call me the bargain queen of the century (yes, again, im so rapt!) we were wandering around Briscoes and they had some in store specials to clear stock, i got 2 square platters (was $44.99 each) 1 rectangle Platter ( was $44.99) 1 chip and dip set (was 44.99) and 5 cup and saucer sets (was $7.99 each) for a grand total of........... $13.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY CRAP! total saving of $161.92!!!!! now if that isnt the biggest bargain youve ever heard of then let me know!!!

Anyway, once we got home again and buzzed over our savings, we put the girls in the paddle pool (Belinda has a 1 year old daughter named Georgia) and ate some lunch, then home i have toddled :) i brought back with me Belindas Cross Training machine which i will start using tonight, ive found getting out for a walk difficult at times and this means even if Kaylees asleep i can exercise, we have an exercycle which we lent to Darryls parents, who have since told us it is theirs now and it is covered in tape where it has been broken.... sooo pissed about that but it is a whole other story that i wont get into now, but that is one thing that gets me, is when you lend something to someone and it comes back ruined!!! happened a few times to me recently. i must admit i borrow some things from friends and forget i have them so they have to ask me for them back, i am so forgetful, something i want to work on one day! but at least when they do ask for them and i give them back they are still in the condition i got them in, no less, argghhhh pet peeve here anyway!

ok time to put my daughter to bed!

Happy days are here again!!

i have the tune of that song in my head, so gay... lol and those words above are the only ones i know! i just hum the rest!!!

i have an apology to make! my spelling sux!! and i was just reading Kates post and she was talking about spellcheck, well what do ya know! there is one! yeah.. Blonde... duh!

ok i had my week 3 weigh in this week! 1.2kgs lost! that is a new total for me of arund 3.5kgs in 3 weeks! i am very happy about that, especially since i went away, but i kept away from the bread, potatos, pasta and rice and its done me good! im still keeping up the water intake, i didnt get a walk at all last week which im a bit mad at myself about as that was something i promised myself to do, walk every day. i have found it quite hard getting out to walk, its been a busy time! but like i said, i will work on it.

My weekend was great, its so nice going down to mums, her and my 2 sisters absolutly dote on Kaylee and she gets so spoilt which i love, they change her, feed her, bath her and Kaylee loves it, we were outside kicking the ball around, playing on the floor, at one point there was 5 of us singing to her, i love being down there with mum, its so nice having someone to call on, i miss her dreadfully when we come back home, i dont get the same family support from Darryls family that i do from mum

nothing else is new really so i thought i would do what Kate did on hers, its pretty cool and made me think! and it will help you get to know me a little more!

Twelve movies I like

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the original one, seen it a million times and still love it!)
The Shawshank Redemption
Grease
Forest Gump
The Green Mile
Armegeddon
50 first dates
The Sound of Music
Charlies Angels
Monsters Inc
Oceans 11
The Bourne Identity

Eleven good bands/ Artists

Crowded House
Brooke Fraser
Dave Dobbyn
The Exponants
Split Enz (yes i know some of these bands dont exist anymore, and yes i love NZ music)
2Pac
Janet Jackson
Michael Jackson (his old stuff)
No Doubt/Gwen Stefani (huge fave of mine, this lady rocks!)
Mariah Carey
Fur Patrol

10 Things about me

I am 23 years old, born 10 January 1982, makes me a stubborn Capricorn goat :)
im addicted to the internet, an obsession i am working on slowly (When Kaylee sleeps i surf!)
im the eldest of 4 Children, 1 brother John, who is 21, my sister Adele who is 16, and my other sister Belinda who is 13
im a perfume freak, i panic when i leave the house not smelling pretty!
I always wanted to become a teacher, but am unsure if its something i could do now
im very impatient
I met Darryl on the internet, met him in real life 5 years to the day we will be getting married
im a closet geek
i want 6 children, but Darryl only wants 2
I want to move to Tauranga to be closer to my mum... Darryl doesnt!

Nine good friends

Kime (My best friend at Primary school, still in contact and friends now)
Julie (My best friend in early college, until she moved, still in contact and friends now)
Belinda (met as both our partners are car geeks, she will be my Maid of Honour at my wedding)
Kerryn (Darryls best man to be's wife, met her when she came to Darryls 30th birthday, turned into a really good friend)
Kate (my ww buddy! used to go walking every day before the kids came along (on the same day dont forget) and now we are real good mates, always nice to have someone to bitch to that doesnt judge, we dont see each other as often as we should, 16mth olds keep us on our toes!!!)
Darryl (my best friend, lover, soulmate, wonderful father of my child, person i can tell ANYTHING too)
Benjamin (VERY good friend from yonks back, hes in Ireland now, has a fantastic job, so jealous of him and miss him lots)
Rochelle (Darryls sister, we are like chalk and cheese when it comes to our beliefs, our ways of bringing up our kids and our views of society, but get on well and our kids love the time together)
Jo (my other WW buddy who also turned into be a fabbo friend, love her to bits, shes my rock, im hers, we bitch and moan to each other all the time, no judging, no pregidices, just understanding, cant wait to see her again at our wedding!)

Eight favourite foods or Drink

Coruba and Coke
Sprite Zero
Grapefruits and Grapefruit Juice
Strawberries
Chocolate
Sweet and Tangy Chips
Sushi
Subway (Chicken Fillet with double Lettuce and cucumber, and tomato with Mayo and Sweet chilli sauce!)

Seven Things I wear daily

Perfume (my faves are Arden Beauty, Rare Gold, Gucci Rush 2 and Babydoll
Contacts
underware
Deoderant (i hate smelling so wear 2, Mitchum Roll on and Rexona Soray on top)
Kaylees Breakfast (i so need to learn to get dressed after i have fed her!)
Sunglasses (Kaylee broke my ones though, had some funky dirty dogs, so now im stuck with Darryls crap rejects until i find more i like!)
My Engagement ring

Six things I hate

Prejudice against other living creatures of all kinds, there is no need for it
People who think they need to kill or harm to get what they want or put their views across
Selfishness
People who are "Always Right"
Onions
Dog Poo in the park (drives me nuts! we have a dog and ALWAYS clean up after her)

Five things I do daily

Shower
Cook (Either Dinner or Lunch or both)
Hug and kiss my daughter and tell her how much i love her
Hug and Kiss Darryl and tell him how much i love him
Sing "the wheels on the bus go round and round" a million times, its Kaylees favourite!

Four Shows I watch

CSI
The Amzing Race
24
SHORTLAND STREET!!

Three places I have lived

Whakatane
Swanson
Massey

Two Things I want

To Move to Tauranga, i REALLY miss my mum
To own our own home one day

One Person I want to see right now

Darryl, i would love him to be home right now, its so nice having family time

hehe long post today, but you got to know me more!

take care all!

what a week! TGIF!!!!

ahhh the weekend is nearly here, i am SO looking foward to it! Darryl is taking Monday off and we are going to have a long weekend down at mums in Te Puke, we SO deserve it!

thanks guys for your comments the other day, i was so down and so pissed off, it is really good to have this blog just to have a bitch and get it all out more than anything!

well i am sitting here absolutly shattered, we had the night from hell with Kaylee, we are really lucky with her as she is hardly ever ill, she keeps so well, but last night she ended up with a 39 degree temp and she did vomit once, so she spent the night in our bed, we finally got her to sleep at about 1am with us (she never sleeps with us, doesnt like it) and we tossed and turned all night, it doesnt work having her in the bed with us, we have like 1/4 of the bed and she has the rest!!!! so at about 6am she went into her own bed and Darryl went off to work and i slept until 8 when the alarm went off!

anyway, i had eggs for breakfast and chicken and brocolli for lunch, but i burnt it unfortunatly, so it tasted like crap, never mind! but i have yet been out this week for a walk, i always go to, but either Kaylee is asleep or i end up oging out to do something else.... have to not make excuses next week i think

normans funeral tonight

get the tissues ready girls!!!!

week 2

this week has been CRAP! i have had major issues with my father (long story, he walked out on the family a few years ago) who decided to call me for the first time in a year this week to let me know that he wont be helping pay for the wedding even though when we got engaged he said "oh i better start saving for the wedding" and when he got his retirement pay out, i was going to get $15,000, then it was $10,000, then it was $5000, then it was nothing cos he spent it all on crap, anyway because he is helping his gf pay for her sons wedding, and the mercedes is costing to much to run and the trip to America they are taking with my 2 sisters next year will cost a bit too, he wont be able to contribute, but he is more than happy to come up AT MY COST!...... yup majorly PISSED OFF here! So i let rip and told him what an irresponcible person he was and he has a responcibility for 4 children, not just 2, and its about time he stepped up and acted like a man and had some responcability etcetcetc, yeah i did my nana. i also told him that its not "if he will be contributing" it is "how much are you contributing you dont have a choice" might seem harsh to some of you, but my daughter is now 16mths old and he has never met her, ive given up being nice to him, it doesnt get me anywhere, he moved and i heard through my sisters, i didnt get any notification or address or ph number, he changed his mobile ph number (the only number i had for him) and didnt tell anyone, even though im 23 i feel so god damn rejected and i have had enough, hence the outburst, i also told him he will be contributing or he will not be coming, i am not paying for his meal and drinks ontop of everything else, once again might seem harsh, but ive had enough.

when i email him i never get him reply, only his gf whom i have never met (who also tried to tell me what kind of wedding i should have and that its too expensive, once again, never met this lady), he makes promises he never keeps, didnt send his Granddaughter (his only one) a christmas present, or even ring to see how her first christmas went, he moved all the way down to Christchurch, and has since moved to wellington, both times i have tried to track him down and had to hear from someone else where he lived. He tried to tell me that it would cost him thousands to come to my wedding, airfares, motel, rental car, etcetc he has known for over 3 years that this day was coming and 3 mths to go he complains about it ARGH! now i know he lied to me too as we have friends coming from Wellington, and even though it is expensive to come up by plane (so not thousands like he said though, i set him straight there!) they are driving up, im so lucky to have good friends who will do that for me, esp when my father wont drive up because it means he has to take a day off work for it, hell in a couple of months he is taking weeks off work for his gfs sons wedding in America, and i am his daughter in Auckland who he cant take the time off to see. sux dont it

anyway, that has set my mood for the week, and my eating for the week, i have been out walking a few times, not every day, i have been busy as well, but the lolly jar has been hit BIG TIME and i just have felt like crap all week. so yes my week 2 was a flop, i gained 600g, i deserve every bit of it, but Dawn (my consultant) was so lovely, i was near in tears because i knew what the scales would say, and she gave me a leafelt on stress, told me what it can do to you, and also told me her dads a bit of a dick too, made me feel so much better

but hey tomorrow is a new day, we will carry on and we will do the best we can with what we have

but god it feels good to get all that out!!!! :p

So sad :(

yup im an avid shorty street watcher, and yup i just spent the last half an hour bawling my eyes out, poor Kaylee didnt know what to do! (Darryls not home yet, i was cuddling my baby) ut she was so sweet, touching my hair and giving me kisses. anyway, Norman died, he was so HOT and im real bummed hes not going to be a charactor anymore.

anyway enough about fiction! lol my weeks been good, im really proud of the way im eating and the way im just not hungry and my body has learnt how to not want for things, ALREADY! its really cool, and im really happy (cept when im crying over tv!)

there was a doco on tv last night, about obese people, again, seems to be tonnes of docos about fat people lately, this one was a little different, these young adults actually had a disease which made them eat, and they would eat continuously non stop if they were allowed to so their food had to be portioned and locked up, Prada Willi Syndrome it was called. my heart went out to them because this was a genuine case and a genuine disease why they were obese. they were all getting help of some kind and i was amazed at the wonderfully genuine people that they showed helping them all. was really nice to see

having trouble getting Kaylee into bed tonight, so im about to try for #4 time! wish me luck!!!

First weigh in!

i had my first weigh in today, wasnt expecting much as its TOM and it hasnt been a full week for me, only 6 days, but i lost 2.7kgs! ROCK ON!!!!!! so im very happy, and you know what, in 6 short days im eating less, doing more and not missing out. yes i will admit i had a few chips and a bite or two of bread but i figure its better me allowing myself what i like, going for a faster walk to burn it and carrying on like normal, than to totally not let myself have anything, feel deprived and then binge (which i have a tendancy to do) im happy with how things are going, im adapting things to suit me, and will carry on doing so until the scales say otherwise, but the way i see it as long as i keep eating small healthy meals, drinking 2L+ of water a day, im drinking a bit of peppermint tea as well, yummo! walking every day (well most days) and keeping happy, i cant lose! can i?

anyway i had better get ready, i have a Tupperware meeting tonight, i have been a bit slack at going to them so i should get to this one aye!

Long weekend!

Finally we have lovely weather again, isnt it stunning!

im finding the eating so much easier now, although i have been known to sneak a bite of Kaylees vegemite sandwhich! i still really miss bread and rice and pasta ALOT but i will get over it!

Darryl said to me that when i lose 10kgs (which will put me under 100! finally!) he will take me out to dinner at a yummy thai restaurant in Takapuna, so thats a treat i am looking foward to

im not so hungry in between meals any more and im finding myself getting stronger every day.

just realised i have only had 3 glasses of water today and its already 3pm! so that is something i have to work towards today.

when i first started this blog i was talking about the small steps i was taking to eat normally again. i have found this so much easier to stick to because of the small steps than anything else i have ever done, now im training my body, thanks to SS to think of food as fuel, and yummy food, like chocolate, chips, pasta etc as special treats which i can have occassionally.

breakfast yesterday was 2 eggs and half a tomato, and that actually kept me going until lunch, for lunch i had fruit and yoghurt, and for dinner i had some chicken and salad, breakfast today was eggs and tomato again (its yum!) lunch was shrimps and salad with strawberries for dessert and dinner will be chicken kebabs, steamed brocolli and salad. which reminds me i have run out of lettuce! so you can see the choices i am making are very healthy, im using a lot of stock (vegge, chicken, beef etc) in my cooking, its very tasty and healthy way of cooking.

my fave thing at the moment is frying some chicken (non stick pan) in some Thai seasoning (masterfoods) and adding brocolli and chicken stock, cook until brocolli is done and chicken stock evapourated, it makes a yum lunch or dinner!

I have been out every day this week for a walk (oh except for yesterday, but i did the food shopping in peak time, does that count?) and have just been out in the garden, lol im a cheat, ive pulled all the weeds and will get Darryl to spray the garden to stop anymore coming through!!

Day off again for Darryl tomorrow, so im looking foward to another lovely family day! i love it when hes home, Kaylee is easier to handle, i dont have to worry about the housework (which basically means we dont do any in the weekend, its OUR time) and we do just whatever, no routine, no plans, just relax

thanks everyone for all your comments and emails, its really cool to see that there are people reading about me, im honoured! lol

same time as below pic and different hat! loves her hats does my girl! 

Kaylee posing :) 22.10.05 

day 2, much easier!

ok, today has been a LOT easier than yesterday, for breakfast i had Yoghurt and strawberries, lunch was salmon, beans and cucumber and tomato 3 cruskits and some almonds and dinner was chicken, brocolli, cauli and beans and of course an apple!

i wasnt as hungry today as i was yesterday, i did have a bite of Kaylees vegemite sandwhich at around 3pm, im finding the carbs really hard to let go, but hey if i only had a bite its better than 4 slices isnt it?

i did fill a pot up of peppermint tea and drink a bit of that today too which i think helped a fair bit too, but i have drunken well over 3L of water and tea today and the toilet has been a constant room of mine today!

but all in all a good day today :) and yes i did go for a walk again this morning, looking at the weather at the moment though im hoping it clears up tomorrow so i can walk again, i dont have a rain cover for Kaylees pushchair though so its unfair to take her out in the weather. lets hope for fine weather again!!

Parent and Child show is next weekend, friday, saturday and sunday, i went last year and had a ball, got soooo much free stuff, so im looking foward to going again this year (Kate you still keen on coming with me??!! let me know!)

anyway early night for me! im going to bed!! :)

Day 1 on SureSlim

and im tired and grumpy and have one hell of a headache ALREADY!

not a nice start to my "new life" but i have committed and i will do it, its just a wee bit harder than i thought, doesnt help that im in a bad feeling sorry for myself mood, sorry, ill snap out of it!

i went for a walk again first thing with kaylee in the pram drinking her bottle

breakfast today was a lowfat unsweetend yoghurt with 100g of Strawberries and 150g of Kiwifruit (about 1 and a half) blended together with a table spoon of flax seed oil and 3 crispbread (i have to have 3 crispbread a day and i dont know what to do with them!) for brekkie i can either have eggs and veggies, cheese and veggies or yoghurt and fruit

that was ok, as i dont usually eat breakfast, i went out and met Kate at the shops had a herbal tea and a bit of a goss, then came home to work out lunch, now for lunch i can either have Chicken and veggies, egg or seafood and veggies or cheese and beans with veggies, i can eat as much lettuce, cucumber, celery, parsley and watercress as i like with a meal, so can use these to bulk meals up. so anyway for lunch i had baked salmon (a treat i got in the shopping, i hardly ever had it!) with steamed beans and lettuce, cucumber and avocado (a sub for the seed allowance i have to have each day) with a olive oil (have to have 1 Tablespoon per day) and balsamic vinegar dressing i had this at 1pm, by 3pm i was so hungry, starving infact, i think its because i usually have bread which keeps me a lot more full for a lot longer, so the stretch from 3pm-6pm was really hard, and i caved, im so pissed, i caved on my first day, at about 4pm i had to eat, i felt like i was going to fall over if i didnt eat, water just wasnt doing it, and i feel so god damn stink now because of it, hell if i cave on my FIRST DAY what is going to happen for the rest of the time?

so 6pm finally rolled around and i was able to have dinner 150 g of lean eye fillet with steamed cauli, broccolli and beans (155g worth total) so for dinner i ate 305g usually i would eat 3 times that much. then i had an apple (i have to have an apple a day)

i didnt realise how much i used to eat, this just doesnt seem enough, but maybe this is just normal and i have to get back to normality. but right now i feel horrid, my head hurts, im hungry, i want chocolate and i want carbs and i feel like crying

hopefully in a few days i will look back on this and laugh at how dum i was and its just day 1

time for bed i think

my commitment

Today the 18th day of October 2005 at 12.30pm i embarked on my new journey, my new life as my consultant calls it. i have signed a contract saying i will lose my weight by August next year and my consultant, Dawn has signed the contract saying that she will help me to lose the weight by August next year. i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, i have help now, i have one on one weekly consultations, i can ask any questions and already feel relaxed around Dawn. She welcomed me (and my $800!) and i have welcomed her help.

I have also started a new step, as of today every morning when i wake up, i will put Kaylee (in her jarmies still!) in the pushchair with a peice of toast and walk, for at least half an hour, hopefully more. this is before i have breakfast so my metabolism starts nice and early

i have a lot of reading to do, and a HUGE recipe book that they gave me to use, i will post the recipes as im using them, cos if i like it then you just might too!!

but i am just letting you know, its started!!! :)

very productive day!!

Yes, today was VERY productive! and tomorrow will be too, we got a letter on Friday saying we are having a house inspection on Monday, thats nothing new, we have an inspection every 3 months, but i forgot 3 months doesnt take long to come around! and usually the note comes over a week before the inspection, and our house is a TIP! i will let you know now that im not the tidyest person in the world, less so now that i have Kaylee, however there is a difference between messy and dirty, im NOT dirty!! (hehe well sometimes..... ok we wont go there!) so i have cleaned out the spare room, which usually i just close the door.... lol its my Tupperware/Avon/junk room! so it was rather full! but its just had a good clean out, which is just great! the Kitchen had a declutter and clean and the Computer desk, which usually gets avoided cos i hate trying to find somewhere for the paperwork to go (we so need a filing cabinet!) got a good clean as did the computer!

i will do everything else tomorrow as Darryl is taking Kaylee to Pukekohe for the club racing (to watch) so i will have some time on my own! i did have that time dedicated to a bath and a self facial and pamper... but now i have Gardeneing to do! oh well! its so nice of Darryl to take her, he loves his Daddy time, he doesnt hesitate at all with taking Kaylee anywhere with him, he loves it! just a fantastic father he is! and i dont have to do anything when he takes her, he packs the nappy bag, makes her lunch, gets her water ready, knows exactly what to do, its real cool!

this morning was hard case, we went up to Darryls parents place (they are in Silverdale, about a 30min drive) and i took Kaylees ride on toy and she had a great time being able to go wherever she wanted (they are out country, way off the rd) she did go backwards and fell into the mud at one stage, that was quite funny, but its the first time in ages she could go outside due to the weather and she loved it!

my eating.... i dont think its been too bad the last couple of days, you know what i had yesterday with Kate and i had Subway for dinner last night, today i had the same thing for lunch as yesterday (leftovers!) and a chicken rice meal for dinner and now im just snacking on raw almonds (which btw i love!) i have drunken quite a bit today too, which is really cool, a lovely day like today just makes me want summer to come all the more faster!!!

nice day!

its been a lovely day today, the weather has FINALLY started to clear up, although Kate and I didnt go out for a walk, was still rather yukky when she arrived!

Kate and Amelia came over for lunch, we had a lovely lunch, i was very healthy and quite proud of myself! had a ham and cheese bun, and i did a platter up of pretzels, rice chips, almonds, cashews, cheese sticks, croutons, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds and yoghurt covered raisins, and another platter of oranges, strawberries and marshmellows with chocolate sauce (ok, kind of healthy!)

was nice to have some company, i have been hiding from the world a little bit and the weather isnt helping with getting out!

anyway i hope you like the pics of the girls taken today!!! :) was VERY hard to get them to smile, although i managed to get a lovely one of Amelia, would you believe she was grizzling until i said "smile Amelia" and she stopped, smiled for the pic, and started grizzling again! so off home for a sleep did Kate and Amelia go!!

fingers crossed for a fine weekend aye!

Very hard to get a smile out them today though! 

what YOU looking at! 

Pretty Amelia, posing for the Camera! 

Amelia getting "stuck" on the bike 

Kaylee and Amelia having lunch 

better day :)

yep its been a better day, yesterday was just crap, drove me nuts, after a good nights sleep i woke up feeling a lot happier, thanks heaps for your comments and emails guys, really helped :) i guess everyone has those days aye! anyway onwards and upwards!

went to the warehouse today, got Kaylee some playdough and some crayons, crayons she worked out ok, still got sucked on a lot, but she couldnt work out the playdough, it was quite funny actually, all she wanted to do was eat it, but she couldnt work out why something so pretty looking tasted so yuk! you should have seen the faces she pulled!

im trying to think of more creative things to do with her, hence the playdough and crayons, all we seem to be doing lately is read and play with toys, the weather hasnt helped as we couldnt get outside, and all she wants to do is take off! but im gradually becoming more creative myself in finding age appropriate things for her to do, there is only so much around for a 15mth old!

im still waiting on sure slim to call, im looking foward to starting something structured, i have been letting myself go way too much lately, its been hard to cope with, but hard to stop too. i will get there, i promise!

yucky yucky yucky!

that is basically how i feel today, im not sick, i just feel crap, all i have done today is feel sorry for myself and eat, and eat, and eat, i havent done any housework, i havent done any exercise, i have done nothing. i actually feel ill thinking about it, thinking about all the food i have eaten. just sux

Kaylee has picked up on my mood and has been in a mood all day, maybe thats what has kicked off my mood, maybe its not, there is a few things at the moment not going the way i want them, i sound like a spoilt brat but i like it when everything runs smoothly aka the way I want them to go. so between Kaylees bad mood and my bad mood its been a pleasant household today.... not...

so really there is no positivity today from me.... im sorry.... i just cant feel happy, maybe after a good nights sleep i will be happier tomorrow, im just a bit all over the place i think, sorry this really isnt making sense, but its good to get it all out, just a down day really, havent had a down day for a while.... maybe today i will get it all out of my system for a while

i have a Tupperware party tonight, im so glad the lady wants a quick easy no fuss one, no cooking, no games, nothing, it will make my life so much easier because i really dont want to go out, i just want to go to bed

i will be happier tomorrow, i promise, and i hope your day was a lot better than mine

close up of bodice 

my wedding dress :) 

Weddings!! :)

I'm so in wedding mode at the moment, yesterdays wedding was just beautiful, it was the wedding of Jason (Darryls cousin) and his beautiful (now wife!) Melanie.

unfortunately the weather decided to have its worst day ever, which really didn't help! So when we got to the venue (Gracehill, in Kumeu) the power was out, and there was no water. So it was a bit touch and go for a while, but Gracehill managed themselves just superbly, they got a pump in for the loos, and someone backed a car right up to the door and turned up the music for the bridal music, the ceremony had to be held inside, and was just lovely, you could so tell how in love they are. As there was no power, there were no lights, but there were plenty of windows for natural light to come through, so that was no biggy. They must use Gas for their cooking as hot canapes were coming out, we had a peek in the kitchen and they were cooking by candlelight! How's that for dedication! Then we had been seated and ordered our food, and the speeches were going just lovely, then it was Mels turn for her speech, and I swear it was timed, as soon as she stood up, the lights came on and the power came back! Was a real cool moment!

the food was amazing, I had a shrimp and avocado and mescaline dish for my entree, scrummo! And then steamed Salmon with a rice cake and steamed beans for my main, and pav for desert

it was great to catch up with Darryls family (the ones who don't live in Auckland) and we had a lovely night

we were lucky as our friends Shaun and Belinda looked after Kaylee for us, they took fantastic care of her and Kaylee was right at home. So it made our evening even more enjoyable knowing our girl was safe and happy and very well looked after!

last night at the wedding I started thinking a bit more about my own wedding, its only 4 mths away, so I have sat down today and done the guest list, and the seating plan, its very hard trying to keep certain people away from certain people!! But never mind, you get that with your whanau don't you! I'm hoping my wedding goes smoothly and we have no problems/domestics! I think I only have to organise the invites and the rings now... But I'm sure I've missed something!!!

here's my dress (shhh don't tell Darryl you have seen it!!)

Research :)

yup im doing some research, on myself! im doing a lot of reading and finding many things that are in fact relevant to me, lots about emotional eating, about feeling stink when you do eat, take this months Slimming mag for example, i have brought this mag for a couple of years on and off, and have read it, but havent really READ it if you know what i mean, nothing i read has sunk it and i have managed to read the mag in a few minutes, this time its taken me a week to read, and i will be reading it again.

it has a great article in it about depriving yourself of food, and how if you dont allow yourself any treats your diet will get boring and you will binge because you couldnt have any. basically its exactly what i do, i tell myself i cannot have it, no way no how, and get so worked up about it that i end up eating say a whole block of chocolate, when if i hadnt of deprived myself in the first place i would of only had 2 squares. then i get myself so down about it, ive ruined my whole diet, so i give up. instead of thinking like a normal person, shrugging it off and getting on with it.

There is also a great article about changing your beliefs, how to stop sabotaging your diet and get back on track, its tells you to sit down with a pen and paper and consider how you feel about your diet, start with the words "a limiting thought i have about this diet is..." and write down everything that comes into your head, be honest with yourself, it could be about not having enough time to exercise or not thinking any diet will work, write down everything that you think limits your diet, then from looking at those things on your list, you should be able to work out what your main prob is, and there are other steps too, working your way of thinking around to a better way of thinking for you and your diet, whatever it may be, its really neat and i will definatly be doing it for me

the other article in this mag (there were 3 that stood out to me) that really struck a cord is, how to love yourself after a pig out, how to stop the cycle of bingeing, feeling guilty, then binging again, gives you 3 steps, 1, dont beat yourself up about it, your more likely to eat more if you critisize yourself, 2, own what you have done, yeah you have binged, but get over it and move on!, 3, keep an eye on you, deniel is never the answer.

so yes three very interesting articles in this one magazine, all very relevant to me and the way i think, and i think very helpful for me to get out of that frame of mind

im not going to push myself all at once, i am still taking one step at a time, and i am happy doing that for now, i feel if i take it one step at a time and make those steps my normal way of doing things (drinking more, eating healthier, vitamins, cutting down on crap, watching portians) then it becomes my normality, my routine of doing things, just like reaching for chocolate used to be :)

shopping! yes AGAIN!!!

we have a wedding to go to on Saturday, im really looking foward to it, it will be a lovely family (Darryls side) affair, and i cant wait to get all dressed up, but what a MISSION it has been to find some lovely clothing! lol so i went shopping with Darryls sister Rochelle and her daughter Maia (age 16mths)

Kaylee was a little B**CH the whole way around the shops, omg it drove me nuts. it was so embarrassing, everyone stops and stares and tututs.... she eventually fell asleep though, so i got most things done!

as i am tall its a mission to find pants that are long enough, BUT i am so happy i found 2 pairs today, + 1 other shop that has them a bit longer too, so i got a pair from the warehouse for $20 they look OK, but i found a nicer pair from Shantons, for $20! score! i also brought myself some new shoes, they are very pretty, lol they have a small heel on them so dont make me too much taller than i already am, and they came in my size! lol another mission is finding shoes that fit! but i found a new shop that has shoes that go up to my size! YEAH! ROCK ON!! lol then i went on a Jewellery mission, had to have nice jewellery with nice clothing! and i found everything i liked at Farmers of all places, and so when i get the top i won off trademe i have a nice outfit for the wedding! im hoping the top is what im expecting otherwise im screwed!!

I havent drunk as much water as i have wanted today, mostly because i have been out i think, i get carried away and forget to drink, i did have a bottle of Diet coke and a few glasses of water once i got home and with dinner (pork stirfry) so even though i havent drunken much, at least i have had some! i had Sushi for lunch, which was one of the more healthier choices in the food court, the other being Subway, so i think i did ok, i did forget to have brekkie today, i didnt realise until lunch!

lovely day :)

its a beautiful day today, nice and sunny, perfect washing weather, lol not that i put any washing out though.... slack aye!

Kaylee has been really good today, shes just pottering around, stuffing her face full of rice wheels!

so i really dont have much to say, i have just been pottering today too, feels good not to have to go anywhere and do anything!

had a yummo lunch, a Mesculin, sprout, hummus, lite mayo, cheese, beetroot, tomato and cucumber sandwhich, lol was a huge sandwhich! have only had 1L of water today, need to drink more, but feel a little bloated for some reason, oh and i had breakfast today too for the first time in yonks! ricebubbles, and banana and milk, ok not very nutricious, but its a good start, least i ate! lol

so im doing small steps, but im feeling good :)

and Kates back! yay!! :)

Been a few days.....

since i last posted! sorry! its been pretty busy around here!

Saturday i signed up to sureslim, Darryl (hes so nice!) has paid for the lot upfront, and i have just been now for my bloodtest, so in 5-10 days time the new lifestyle starts! i have already started to do 3 meals a day and 2l water a day, but havent cut out too many carbs yet, i have cut down on them, and eliminated potato all together, but will do more in the next 5-10 days before i get my diet plan from the consultant. i am looking foward to starting it, im looking foward to my weekly weigh ins and one on one with the consultant, noone else will see my weight!

Saturday night i went to Darryls cousins fiances hens night, was a lot of fun, she had a topless waiter, pretty cute :p not quite my thing but she enjoyed it!

Sunday Darryl and I decided to do something with our day, rather than housework! lol, and we went to the muesem, i love it there, its so peaceful (but noisy at the same time, lol all the kids!) and just a lovely place to go when it is hoofing down the rain outside!! we did a bit of food shopping and then carried on our way home again.

Today has been a busy one, i had to start off by getting my bloods done, the lab was so busy, but i was only waiting 15-20 min before i was seen, then it was jab and gone! ran a few errands, did a bit of retail therapy for Kaylee and i, and got some sushi and come home, Kaylee isnt too happy today, i think her teeth are bugging her, but she is fast asleep and i am loving the peace!! she is a bit clingi at the moment which hasnt been fun, but its kinda cool in a way, im her mummy and she only wants me!

i had a few other things to do today, but i have put them off until Kaylee is a bit better, i dont like taking her out too often in this windy wet weather, even though i bundle her up warm, its not fair on her.

im amazed at how easy i am finding drinking 2l of water a day, sometimes i end up drinking more! i have a glass that measures 500ml, its a really good size, so if i have one before breakfast, one before lunch, one before dinner and one before bed, it works out really well, and i eat less too! but i am finding i am drinking closer to the 2.5l-3l, so im pleased with that!

Shopping!

i went shopping today, my feet are killing me from all the walking! lol normally when Kate and I go shopping we have been a million times before, so we know what we like, we go to a few shops, just wander then go home, i just spent 4.5 hours YES THAT IS RIGHT!! at St Lukes mall with my good friend and Maid of Honour to be Belinda and her daughter Georgia, who is 10 mths.

i did get some great deals though, Esprit had a sale, which i love their kids clothes, they gave you a scratchy when you walked in, and you got the discount of which your scratchy determained, in my case 30% so i got Kaylee a really cute hat and 2 tee shirts, i saw lots in Pumpkin Patch that i loved, but i know they have a sale coming up, and i will shop there then, why pay full price when you can get discount i say!

i did get the BIGGEST bargain ever from KMart, a pair of shoes, ok they are 2 sizes too big for Kaylee at the mo, but she will grow in to them! they are cute little black ones, perfect for good, rrp was $29.95 i paid..... $2!!!!! holy crap!! im so rapt with my buy, lol

i was meant to pick up the sureslim paperwork today to fill in, but i havent got over that way yet, will try tomorrow morning first thing, there is no hurry as Darryl has to go in to show ID for the HP forms and he can only do that on a Saturday, so we have time :) im not piking!

although i have been naughty today, i have been so god damn good lately, trying hard to make the right choices and remain as healthy as possible, but not missing out (if that at all makes sense!) but today i caved, i could of had healthy subway, or sushi for lunch, but noooo i had a Kebab, it was yuck, i only ate a bit of it before i was full, and it was just blah and boring, give me my subway or sushi any day! and then i had, not one, but 2 dunkin donuts.... now i feel bloated and yuk! this isnt food i would normally eat anyway, but it just didnt do anything for me, ick

ok over it now.......

freaky how Kates posting from Australia, lol cant even keep away from the puter while your over there can you hun!!!!

good day :)

Well lunch yesterday went well, Darryls mums birthday, we went to a place in Albany Village, its real scrummy and reasonably priced, the only prob we have with it, both times we have been, the service is s l o w, you wait for ages for your food, maybe thats a good thing, i drank a lot of water (and 1 OJ) in the time we were waiting, so when i got my meal (healthy choice, grilled salmon kebabs on Taboulli salad with yoghurt, mint and cucumber dressing on the side) it was a tiny portion, and i GAWKED at it for a bit, but it was enough... i did cave a bit at the start as we shared bread and hummus, but i dont think i did too badly.

then last night cooking dinner, i cooked Kaylee and Darryl potatos, and i didnt have any, i thought hey, no time but the present to do without! so i had more water, steamed carrots, brocolli and cauli, and a lovely piece of eye fillet steak. i wasnt hungry at the end of it either, which really surprised me, as i have always though that to be full, i will need to eat starchy carbs, i thought that is what they are there for... i guess by myself learning good habits now, i will be teaching my daughter right from the start. it is very important to me to have a healthy child. i was quite proud yesterday of my (well almost) completely healthy low fat day!

im having lunch a little later today, as Rochelle (Darryls sister) is bringing sushi (my fave) after Maias (my neice age 15 mths) swimming lesson, im watching Daniel (my Nephew age 3) while they are out, so i have had an apple, hopefully that will tide me over.

im wondering how many of you are not breakfast people? i know with any diet, breakfast is a huge must, i really dont do well with breakfast, it makes me feel very ill, how did you get into eating it? is it just a matter of routine and getting used to it? i would love to know

i am trying a new AVON moisteriser today, im going to go and wash it off, its so not me, i only used a little and my skin has gone all icky and oily, i think its made for more mature skin which dries easy. blah! back to my usual one i think!

I have made a decision......

Im gunna do it, I am going to join Sureslim. I am going to be tough on myself, I mean really, apart from 30kgs, what do i have to lose? nothing, im just being greedy, listen to myself, oooo poor me, cant have this, cant have that, man imagine if i was allergic to certain things, wouldnt be allowed them then either would i, so i have made the concious decision to do without for a while, and give something else a go, i have to teach myself how to eat again, and how to eat well. so yeah, this week, while i wait for everything to process (takes 7-10 days for bloods etc) i will make healthy decisions, like today i will be going out to lunch for Darryls mums birthday, however the place we are going to i know has nice salads and healthy grilled meals (they also have crap, but i keep away from that anyway) so i will make a healthy decision on what to have.

my weekend was a little boring really, we just cruised on Saturday, got some housework done (inside and out) and did some visiting. Sunday i was ILL again, i spent most of the day in bed, i was nausous and headachey and achey all over, nothing would shake it, so I slept a lot! but this morning i am fine, but it is a bad hair day....

My hair is the longest it has probably ever been in my life, i hate it, i despise long hair (on me), i have very thick hair, which doesnt help, so i have a heavy head right now! im growing it out for the wedding, so i can get married with a nice hair do, ohhh the things we do! lol i am a short cropped hair do kind of girl, so i cant wait until after the wedding to chop it all off again! Darryl doesnt want me to cut it, he likes it, but as i said to him, he doesnt have to wear it!!!

Advantages Of Being A Woman:

Why it's better to be a Woman!
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

Cherish your children.....

you know its times like these that makes you realise just how much your child means to you, at the moment there is a we 18 mth old boy missing in Hamilton, has been missing since apprx 3pm, he wandered off, i can only imagine the horror and pain his family must be going through, i can only imagine how scared this wee boy is. this has really got to me, i have been following it here: http://www.trademe.co.nz/structure/messageboard/show_messages.asp?id=5945980&threadid=5945980 this thread shows how many caring people there are out there, and this is only a fraction, i can only hope and pray that this little one makes it home safe. All i want to do is get Kaylee out of bed, and cuddle her and never ever let her go, i love her so much, she is my world, i could never imagine how hard this could ever be to go through and i hope it NEVER to happen. your children are special, they are a gift, look after them, love them and give them an extra hug and kiss today..... i hope this wee boy comes home soon

Just after this post, the wee boy was found, safe, apparently someone had him for over 2 hours before contacting the police, i dont know why, seems stupid, but i am so relieved, and so happy he is home safe, he was found over 2km from where his house is, a long way for an 18 mth old baby to go. im watching my daughter chattering away, eating her tiny teddy, and im just so god damn lucky to have her, she is the best gift i have ever been given

OOPS! yes it is a daffodil!

lol I have no idea where "Sunflower" came from! and yes i do know the difference! sorry! (im talking about Kaylees pics below BTW)

well..... i have A LOT of thinking to do... i went to the Sureslim presentation and basically what it is, is this: no bread (apart from crispbread and mountain bread), no pasta, no rice, no noodles, no potatoes, no junk food (obviously), no alcohol, no sugar, and very low salt. you have to weigh EVERYTHING except for water based veggies (lettuce, cucumber etc) and drink 2l water + a day. the water i can do, the no alcohol, no sugar, low salt i can do, the bread, rice and noodles..... i dont know if i can do it.

Like Linda has said in my comments, i really do think i would battle to keep the weight off, as these are the first types of food i would go back to. i could handle it if they said you could choose, say a slice of bread or a 1/4 c of rice, that would be cool. but all my meals are either rice and something, potato and something, pasta and something, you know? i guess it is just a matter of changing my habits, and REALLY thinking about what i was to have to eat, because it is quite limited without Carbs! i kind of knew in a way that it was like this, and had accepted it, i guess i shouldnt of thought about it as much as i have, but i have! lol

the way they work it is, you are very limited in what you can have until you lose your weight, then they gradually add food back into your diet (this is when i could have my carbs again) so really you are limited for only a few months, as you lose the weight rather quickly.

Another thing against this kind of diet is family.... what if we were to be invited out to dinner? or lunch? with our familys it ALWAYS involves bread, rice, pasta etcetc, which is the main meal, at the moment i dont want to tell any of them what i am thinking, sabotage will come into play. you know how it goes... a little bit of this wont hurt you... a bit of this turns into a slice of that which turns into one massive big mess. they mean well, but just dont think really, and then there is the "hows the diet going' and "should you be eating that" just bugs me, and when i get shitty i eat, so i would rather avoid it BUT if they didnt know i was on a diet plan, they would be more like "have this... why not?.... are you on ANOTHER diet???" which is when all the other comments above would come in

so while i am thinking about it, (because i AM still thinking about it) i will put some steps for myself into play, aim for 2L+ water a day, 3 meals a day, if i want a snack i have fruit here, at least 7-8 servings of veggies and fruit a day (easily done, today i have had lettuce, tomato, cucumber, apple, pear, banana, kiwifruit, orange and havent even thought about dinner yet!), and lower the carb intake, maybe half a cup instead of a cup, 1 slice instead of 2 etcetc

because what is the point of thinking about starting a strict diet, and not starting to control yourself now? should i sit and eat junk until i decide?? hell no

i have more talking with Darryl to do, and more talking to a few people on the SS plan, and we will see what happens......

busy day!

we had a fantastic day today, thought it would rain us out on the way (was raining on the motorway) so we went to the zoo, then did a lap of western springs, although i really wasnt wearing the BEST shoes to do all the walking in, got blisters on my soles... oh well! then we went to the body shop sale, there was A LOT of Papaya shower gels lol but quite a few other things too, i got a couple of Dewberry shower gels (my fave) and a loofah and nail brush. Cost $17 for the lot! bargain!

i woke up this morning with a headache.... it has lasted all day, which has been horrid, cant shake it at all, so it will be an early night for me. im looking foward to the presentation in the morning, i am hoping though that this headache will be gone by then! time for a hot bath i think!

hey thanks everyone for your comments, its nice you are reading all about me, lol hope i dont bore you all too much and you come back again! im definatly taking all your comments on board, its really great to hear from you!

will post tomorrow after the presentation to let you know what i have decided!!!!

Going to the Zoo!

yup today Kaylee and I are joining Kate and Amelia and we are off to the Zoo, i really should get a yearly pass like Kate has, will have to talk Darryl into that, then we can go all the time, brilliant place for a walk, i mean how many times can you say you went out and did some steps today and saw the elephants, lions and giraffes!! Then we may do a lap or 2 (gossiping all the way of course) of Western Springs and then we are off shopping (yes AGAIN!!) there is apparently (heard this through the TM msg board) a bodyshop sale on today at the showgrounds, i LOVE body shop stuff, yummo!

You know i never used to eat so much as i do now, even a couple of months ago i was eating sensibly, and i have been searching and searching and i cannot for the life of me work out why i started eating like crap again, is it emotional? i really dont know, like i said in Kates blog comments yesterday, i dont get that rumbly tummy feeling, i dont FEEL hungry, so why do i need to eat until i am full where i was never hungry in the first place? i think in order to get my eating under control i need to work this out.

As a kid i never ate junk food, never, we couldnt afford it, and we ate very small portions, it was enough (most of the time) so when i got my first job, i could afford all the things i could never have, and i would eat junk, a lot of it, it is embarressing, chips, chocolate, lollies, candyfloss, all the time. i dont know if i was trying to catch up on what i missed out on as a kid, or if i just got greedy, i just ate so much crap, and hid it too, "hibernate" as mum called it, in my room and eat. i shudder now when i think about just how much i ate in one sitting, it was A LOT and for a skinny girl (as i once was) it was one hell of a shame. so now a few years down the track, i still hide my food, if i eat junk, i dont usually do it infront of people, i do it on my own, im ashamed of it, but i still do it. hopefully i can really get it under control soon, because the only person i am really lieing to, is myself.....

I could never understand why i got fat, until i realised all the sugar i was eating was the contributing factor to start with, i have never, and still dont, like deep fried foods, they make me feel sick and discusting and 9 times out of 10 i end up puking afterwards, just so gross, but i guess these arent the only foods that make you fat aye?

Drink to Shrink!

im so proud of me! lol i have drunk 3 glasses of water so far, had 2 oranges and a yoghurt. i dont do breakfast, so that was tonnes for me, i feel bloated... lol glug glug

2 more sleeps until the Sure Slim seminar thingi, im getting quite excited about it really, i like the one on one thing they have, i dont get much out of meetings with everyone sitting in a row listening to one person, thats just me, i find that really dull, then of course i dont hear what is being said

Kaylee wasnt too well yesterday, she is a lot better today, but yesterday her temp was up and she was grizzly, i think more teeth are coming through, but do you think i can get into her mouth to see! even brushing her teeth is a mission!

the weather hasnt been the flashest, so getting out walking isnt happeneing, it would be ok if i didnt have Kaylee, but to take her outside would just be cruel. Darryls parents have our exercycle, we loaned it to them while i was pregnant, so we will try to get that back, then i can ride while tv is on!

I demoed at Tupperware party last night, was fun, i always enjoy getting out and doing Tupperware parties, i meet some great (yeah... and not so great, but thats ok!) people, and get paid for doing it! but it is more than the money for me, it has given me a new self confidence in myself, i HAVE to stand up in front of a group of people, have their eyes on me and talk about the products, i am loving how that is making me feel, i have to get dressed nicely, put on makeup, do my hair and be professional, and i LOVE that.


Update: 8.50pm: I drank 2 litres of water today! im so proud of myself, hehe just had to share, small achievements huh!

ooo look!! :)

i got a comment on my blog! someone is watching me!!! HI Leighanne!!!

im really trying to pump the water through me today, i realised i was only having like 1 or 2 glasses per day! so not good enough, and they do say you have to drink to shrink, so im going to get one of the Tupperware 2L jugs and every day fill it to the brim and aim to drink the whole thing, and still have my herbal teas (mmm rasberry and Echinacea! yum!) on top of that, man im gunna be pissing like a race horse!!!

ok, a bit more about me, i talk a lot.... lol i used to be very shy, until i realised it doesnt really get me anywhere in life! i am still quite reserved though, i hold a lot in, which is the main reason i started blogging :) i have to get it all out sometimes!! better on here than in Darryls ear... lol one day it will fall off! (his ear i mean) im a Tupperware Demonstrator, and an Avon lady, love both my hobby jobs, my full time job is being a mum, which i love, esp when i go out shopping, and can enjoy the day time if it is fine weather (which it SO isnt at the moment!) I swear a lot... bad thing, horrible habit, i try not to do it around Kaylee, sometimes it slips out, but she hasnt said any bad words yet! (fingers crossed, touch wood!), another bad habit of mine (yeah i have a few!) is i bite my nails... i have done all my life, and i can NEVER remember doing it, Darryl reckons i do it in my sleep, maybe one day i will have pretty nails! lol thats enough for now, might scare you all away!!!!! (well i presume there is a few of you, HI! cos the counter is going up!)

anyway, i just realised that i havent had anything to eat today, doesnt help when there is nothing in the cupboard... im not hungry though, must be all the water!!! might go get subway :p

off to the mall

Kaylee and I went out to Onehunga DressMart today with Kate and Amelia, was a bit of a fizzer, we didnt see anything we liked at all! i find it hard to resist food, and hot drinks when i am out, Kate and I have a bit of a ritual where before we go shopping we have a coffee and a cake, i will have to change habits a bit i think and have a cuppa tea or herbal tea instead, then at least i am still having a hot drink, but am having a "safe" one, not one full of milk. so anyway, today i had a White Chocolate Mocha from starbucks and a chocolate muffin, i am a bit pissed at myself cos they had low fat muffins and i didnt take that option, i went full fat all the way....

Even though the mall was a bit of a fizzer we walked around it several times, so got lots of exercise in! and we arent a pair who walks slow either, we walk pretty quick, which is better than dawdling!

Kate is on a healthy lifestyle change too, she has her ups and downs like all of us, but on a whole she does really well, i look up to her in that sense. its nice to have someone positive to talk to when it comes to weight loss.

I got a call from SureSlim today, im still not 100% sure it is what i want to do, as it is a huge committment and i am unsure if i am ready for that or not, but we are going to a seminar on Saturday at 10am to see if it is right or not.

Am taking Kaylee to Jumping Jacks in Henderson shortly for coffee group, should be fun, Kaylee loves playing with all the kids her age and the toys, she is in a bit of a bad mood today, but hopefully will be ok!!

Kaylee trying to eat sunflower! 

More pics of Kaylee with sunflower 

Darryl and Kaylee 

my stats

you know i havent given out my stats yet, im 23 years old, born 10th Jan 1982, im 5"11 and weigh *gasp* 108kgs..... not the nicest thing in the world to own up to, but its here now and im going to leave it!!!

my first post in my first ever blog....

and i dont think anyone will be reading this for a long time but me.... but thats ok

i have been having a long hard look at myself lately, and i have come up with a few conclusions...

1- im addicted to food, any kind of food, doesnt matter if it is good food or bad food i eat too much and i eat a lot

2 - i dont drink enough water, i dont drink enough anything full stop, its not good enough really and i dont know whats stopping me, i need to work that out

3 - i dont get off my ass enough, i love walking, i dont know what stops me from doing it, apart from the weather being aweful at the moment, when it is fine weather, i still dont get off my ass...

4 - im always craving, whether it be sugar or salt, i crave, that has to be overcome, too much junk

5 - i get down about being fat, so i eat more, whats with that?? its just stupid and it has to stop

6 - i eat way to much carbs, potatos, rice, pasta, noodles, breads, way to much, its just wrong...

these are the main things (problems) that i have identified with myself, and i need to overcome all of this in order to start losing weight.

i never wanted to be a fat bride, i have 5 months till my wedding (Feb 12 2006) and i dont want to be the size i am now.

i have been talking to Darryl, and am going to look into SureSlim, where they take blood tests etc to help you work out what you should and shouldnt be eating. i have done weight watchers a couple of times before, it doesnt work for me, i hate counting points and used to blow all my points on lollies or chocolate and then starve the rest of the day. just wasnt working really....

anyway, we shall see what sureslim is like, i think you go to a mini seminar before you sign up so you know what to expect etc, so i look foward to learning more about it, but before hand i have set myself a goal (1 new goal a week for now) to drink at least 8 glasses of water (inc herbal tea) per day. i will let you know how i get on :)

Kaylee and i on Kaylees first birthday 

Kaylee age 14 months