Merry Christmas everyone!!!

I just really want to wish you all, and your familys a very merry, safe and happy Christmas and fun New Years!!!!

The last few weeks have been very emotional, and hard, but i have had so much support and love from so many places it has really helped so much.

im very much looking foward to christmas, looking foward to going away on holiday to Whitianga, camping with Darryl and Kaylee, then we have some friends joining us for New Years, it will be just great. im looking foward to blobbing with some wine and grapes and cheese (my favorite type of blobbing!) and just really spending time with my little family.

my wedding is only 7 weeks away, and things are sailing along just wonderfully at the moment, its really nice, but will be nicer when Darryl has a few days off work, he has been working from 6.30am till 9.30pm every single day (no days off!) for the last few weeks, i just cant wait to have him home again, will make everything just perfect :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! HAPPY NEW YEARS!! i hope Santa treats you all real good!!!!!


xxxxx

my heart is broken

unfortunalty im not pregnant anymore, i feel like my heart is being ripped in two, its so hard to deal with, its hard to type about, its hard to talk about, its hard to think about. im so guttered that i miscarried, im so guttered that i will never get to know this child, whether its a boy or a girl, what their personality is like, what they would have looked like, im so guttered that Kaylee has missed out this time on a little brother or sister and im guttered that we have missed out on our baby.

it hurts, im angry, im frustrated, im sad, all these emotions and all this pain. its really just not fair. i just have to take heart i think that it just wasnt meant to be this time, it will happen again one day, we just have more time with just Kaylee now and we have to cherish that

i wont post for a while, i think i need time to myself to grieve and mourn and scream and yell. i dont know how long it will take though.....

Look what i did!

i got photo taking today, and im sooo happy with how they turned out, even Darryl (the camera photo taking freak) was impressed!

I booked my first scan today, for Tuesday morning, it will be good to see exactly how far along i am and how everthing is progressing, oh yes and if there is in fact only 1 child and not 2 (well you never know!)

i havent been anywhere or done anything today, and its been really nice, Kaylee has had 2 nice sleeps (she needed them! we have been up since 6am!) and she has just gone out with Darryl in his car for a ride while i have a much needed sleep! which is where i am off to right now!!!!!

:) 

:) 

isnt she beautiful! 

HELLO!

yep ive been slack at posting! im sorry!

its been a very busy week actually, im getting a bit stressed, but trying not to stress at the same time! with the Wedding, Baby, Christmas, Camping Holiday, Birthdays coming up, and Bills to pay at the same time, guess whos left to do it all! yup me! ahhhhh deep breaths! Half of its my fault because once again i have spent wayyy too much recently and have incurred a few bills.... DOH! ANYWAY!!!!........

as i said its been a busy week, i have been trying to catch up with friends, book appointments, keep appointments, finish Christmas shopping and relax at the same time! im sooooo tired!

This pregnancy already is totally different then when i was pregnant with Kaylee, i was severly ill with Kaylee, vomiting every day until late pregnancy, where as i am nearly 7 weeks pregnant now and no morning sickness at all! to put my mind at ease im having an early scan done very soon just to make sure its all ok in there and things are growing as they are meant to! The only thing similar to my pregnancy with Kaylee is Chocolate milk, its all i want, chocolate milk (skim milk of course!) but i must really need the calcium because its a huge craving!

what else have i been doing... oh yes i found out that my friend who had her baby the day before i did (yes not only was Amelia born the same day as Kaylee, my other pregnant friend due around the same time had her baby the day before!!!) is pregnant again too! she is due around May, but has only just recently found out! and hopefully fingers crossed another couple of friends testing on the weekend will get positives too!! i love babies!!!!!

i met my midwife yesterday, she is soooo lovely! i clicked with her straight away, shes so not wishy washy, she has actually had children (4) herself AND i will be allowed to do what i want to do and where i want to do it this time!!! WAAAHOOOOOO!!! so yes she is very cool

Kaylee had her MMR jabs last week, and last night the reaction came through, high temp, really grizzly, didnt go down until 9.30, here i was thinking ahhh nice she will sleep until at least 8am, ahhh NO! 6am, just after Darryl left for work she started, and has been a big poo ever since! so she is back in bed already and will hopefully sleep the rest of the crappy mood away and wake up my lovely happy daughter!

Kaylee is SO independent at the moment, she wants to do everything herself, which is ok at home, but when we are out feeding and being in the pushchair is such a mission and makes me so stressed out! i brought her a book the other day which will arrive soon, which is called "there is a house inside my mummy" about a new little brother or sister growing in mummys tummy, very cute and very fitting i thought!!!

im hungry, but i dont know what i want to eat, nothing appeals, i REALLY want Sushi, but we all know i cant have that anymore, next on my list is Subway, once again i cant have that anymore either..... maybe a chocolate milk :p

oh yes and my due date has changed, may change again at the scan, but thats ok! lol i am due the 22nd of July, the EXACT same date Kaylee was due!!! freaky aye!!!