Friday!!

LOVE Fridays! even though Darryl usually works 6 day weeks, Friday just always feels so relaxed, Friday nights and cruisy, the messy house doesn't matter, just relaxing and I love it!

I'm a little guttered, I brought a gorgeous top off a Maternity website, it arrived today (was going to wear it to Darryls mums 60th on Saturday next week) and I LOVE this top, its even nicer than I thought it would be, lol probably because its NOT BLACK and everything I have right now is black! But its a halter neck, and anyone who knows me knows, well, I have lovely big boobies! (have gone up to at LEAST an F cup since being pregnant! Have to go for another fitting in a couple of weeks!!) anyway, lets just say the cross over bits from the halter that go over my boobies, don't exactly cover them too well... Can anyone say Anna Nicole??? haha THATS what it looks like, I LOVE the top, and think it looks kind of hot (don't need a bra as it holds them up) but wayyyy to revealing for anything that a Mummy does, or for the poor people that this Mummy tends to be around for social occasions (might cause a few heart attacks you see! or minor strokes, or just general family slutty gossip!) ahhh so I'm in two minds with what to do with it, do I send it back and get my money back (there is that option) or does it look too bad wearing a halter style top with another top underneath? (if that makes sense?) because I REALLY like this top!! I'm so pissed that my boobs are just too big for it! I don't wanna send it back! haha oh and BTW its 2 sizes smaller than a top I would have usually brought, and it does fit wonderfully! If I had smaller boobs it would be just perfect! BUGGER!

so now I have to find something new to wear next Saturday, *sigh* what a poo!

Nothing too exciting going on here really, just making the most of what little alone time I have left with my beautiful girl, she just cracks me up every day, however she has started smacking if she doesn't get her own way... hmmmm not too sure how to deal with that one, pulling her hand away and saying 'that is naughty we do not smack" then distraction, seems to be working for now!

busy weekend ahead, all going to plan we will be doing a bit of birthday present shopping (my nephew turned 4 last week) and then off to see Darryls cousin who had her baby girl recently, then Sunday Darryl is away all day on a car cruise, stopping in Morrinsville at Grandmas house to pick up my sister Adele who is spending the school holidays up with us, personal live in Nanny (she will be getting paid) NICE! I'm looking forward to it! She wont be a slave to us though, hehe, she used to live with us, so has a lot of friends up here that she has kept in touch with, she will be going out at nights, and I'm sure during some days too, but it will be nice to have an extra hand around the place! Sunday I will be going to Daniels (my nephew) birthday party with Kaylee, I have a bit of a busy week ahead too I think! Monday morning we are catching up with Kate, Natalia and Amelia, with my sister up it means Kate and I will hopefully be able to sit and relax and goss (and maybe scrapbook!) and my sister can keep the girls occupied, hopefully its a nice day and we can send them to the park or something! Tuesday I have a Coffee Group at a cafe local to me (its actually where I had my shit wedding reception lol they have new owners now and apparently its beautiful!), and Thursday Kaylee, Adele and I are meeting up with my SIL and niece and another lady due around the same time as me that I haven't met yet, for lunch or brunch (hasn't been decided yet!)

My midwife came on Wednesday, everything is lovely and normal, which is nice to know! haha BP is at my lowest ever (its always been normal and still is, just lower than my normal, if that makes sense!) which I think shows how at ease I am right now, no stress at all in my life, its nice! I know in a few weeks when baby comes that will change, feeding issues, sleeping issues etc all have to be learnt again! so my MW will come again in a fortnight, and then weekly from then on with 1 week off first as she is back off overseas! Lucky thing! so in that week I will meet her back up if we do so need her, but I don't think baby will be prem at all. Better not be, I still have things to do! My MW is very relaxed, which I think relaxes me, she's a total contrast to my first mw (that I had with Kaylee) where everything was done by the book, very structured, you talked about the basics of your pregnancy and did a birthplan and that was it, lol I'm sure the mw I have now knows my life story and I know hers! Not to mention the fact that I bumped into her at the shops last weekend and we can stand gossiping for ages! Definitely makes me feel that I have made the right decision with her! The MW I had with Kaylee didn't actually attend Kaylees birth, it was her weekend off, my mw this time around doesn't have weekends off as such, she has her days off around the days that babies come! Like I say very cruisy and relaxed, which brings me on to my "birth plan" for lack of a better way to describe it, because to be honest it isn't a plan at all!

I had all these ideas when I got pregnant this time around, about what I DIDN'T want, Kaylees birth was so hard for me, and by the time I realised that it affected me more deeply than I imagined, it was too late, feeding issues, Post natal depression, depression while in late stages of pregnancy, all tied in together, and I really wasn't a happy chappy, I look back at the photos of me with Kaylee just after birth, or the photos of me while still pregnant, and I look so pale, and so down and so passionless, I compare them to photos of me now, albeit I don't take the best photos! But I'm such a different person, in my looks, in my personality, in my state of mind, I didn't like me then, I thought I did, but there were always "but...." In those sentences I liked this but I didn't like that, I liked this idea, but this stopped me from doing it, I didn't trust my own instincts, I didn't trust my own thoughts and ideas. I still have certain people put down some of the choices I made when Kaylee was born, and I used to feel as guilty as hell, but I realise now, if I had not of made those choices, I cant say where I would be right now, as much as having Kaylee was one of the best days of my life, it started something very grey for me too, something very lonely, I know now that I made the best choices for my whole family, and god help anyone who tells me otherwise, I don't listen to ANYONE who trys to tell me (of course if I ask for opinions or help its different!) how to look after my family, I know I do a fantastic job, I have a beautiful child to show for it, she's amazing, so intelligent and funny, and naughty and cheeky, and well behaved and scary, all at once, no bastard can tell me that I haven't done a good job with her. Now haha I got sidetracked! Where was I going with this!!!! Oh yes, "birthplan"

we have decided that whatever happens, will happen, where-ever it happens we will decide on the day, pretty cruisy aye! haha I will book into North Shore Hospital, and if on the day I decide that I want to go to hospital, then we will, however if I want to stay home, then my MW will come to me and we will do it all at home, I'm right inbetween 2 hospitals, so if things get too bad we will call an ambulance and go to the hospital. There are no strict plans in place, and we wont be putting any strict plans down, if I need drugs, I will have them, if I don't need or want them, then I wont! The ONLY thing that is put down as strict is Vitamin K, baby (as Kaylee did) will Definitely be getting that, that's our choice and our choice only, I don't care about what anyone else did or didn't do, but its what we think is best for our family. But yes at the moment, the further along with this pregnancy I get, the more comfortable I am with my body, and my mind, and the ability I will have to cope, and the more comfortable I am with having this baby at home. And its nice that my MW is relaxed either way too, she only lives 5min away from me so it will be no biggie to her at all coming here first. She wrote in her notes on Wednesday under the bit where it says where have you booked in she put "hospital or home" lol she did joke that we don't want baby born in an ambulance, and I told her Kates story (the placenta fascinated her when I told her about it Kate, ill have to get you to email me the pics again so I can show her, if its ok with you of course!) lol but hey que sera sera!

Have a lovely weekend people! And hey, if you have a wine, have another one for me!

cheers!