So frustrating!

I have NO IDEA how im going to handle a newborn and my daughter together if Kaylee keeps behaving how she is, im trying SO hard with her, we are doing so much more than normal, and so many new things too, i was hoping that this will keep her from being bored, but noooooo, i have her enrolled in the local kindy, and she should start before 2 years 6mths, but that gives me about 6 mths of tearing my hair out!

Kaylee is a sweet child, i love her so so much, she is generally such a good girl, but (someone PLEASE tell me its a phase and they grow out of it quick!!) she is just so damn clingy! and totally misbehaves when we are out! i dont know what to do when we are out, because she completely ignores what i say, and you cant really do "time out" in a busy shopping mall! the screaming is LOUD and the kicking her legs and flinging her arms around is just ridiculous, i usually have her in the stroller, and if im not on my own, the other person (usually Darryl, today mum) helps her walk around, because i really cant chase after her, im too pregnant and blardy sore at the moment (back, arms, legs, stomach, bum, you name it, i hurt!) i KNOW she is frustrated at something, but i dont know what, because of course, she cant talk, and all we can work out is that she wants to run away and have someone chase her, ahhhh, not going to happen! i LOVE shopping, its a fave hobby of mine, but it almost brings me to tears the thought of me going somewhere on my own with her, because i KNOW she will misbehave, i dont want to be giving her sweets, because i try to avoid them anyway, and really, she should behave without them, and what happens when there are no more? more tantrums!

i should clarify, i dont go shopping like i used to when she was new, i used to be able to get out for a couple or few hours at a time, and be able to take my time, and wander around nicely, now i know she is older and try to be half an hour tops with her in the stroller, otherwise she walks (like i say with Darryl usually) and we can continue shopping. but its usually just me... and its getting hard!!!!

but its not only at the shops where im having problems, visiting people is becoming a huge issue too, we went and finally saw Kate and family today, much overdue and SO MUCH looked foward to, and met Natalia for the first time, poor Amelia was looking forward to playing with Kaylee SO much, and what did my daughter do? not only snobbed poor Amelia, but everytime Amelia went up to her "play?" Amelia would say, Kaylee would cry, and this is what Kaylee is doing, everytime she isnt getting what she wants, or everytime we are at someone elses house, (keep in mind that im not talking strangers here, she has grown up with Amelia over the last 2 years) she does this, she will not play with the other child, she will not even be civil to the other child, and it is SO embarressing, all i want is to go out and talk to the other adult, and have proper conversation, but i spend most of my time dealing to my daughter and her tantys, because that is what they are, she isnt upset, she is just being naughty! and i am SO STUCK at what to do! the first time it happened was about a month ago at a friends house, and i just put it down to Kaylee being tired, which she was, but it has happened EVERY time we have gone out since, so she misbehaves when we visit friends, she misbehaves when we go shopping, and she is extrememly clingy at home, everytime i want MY TIME i dont usually get it and im hating it! i really dont know what to do and get VERY upset about it, as much as i love Kaylee, im really starting to resent her for it.

At home she is having her day sleep less and less, which she does NEED every day, and i NEED her to have, i need that hour or two of peace, whether its to eat, or to read, or to do the blog thing, i NEED it, but for the last 2 years i have spent 100% of my time with Kaylee being mummy and i need to get back to being CARLA some of the time too, i need my identity back, i cannot eat without Kaylee helping herself with my food, i cannot go to the loo on my own, i cannot watch what i want on TV, when im online, im usually typing with 1 hand because i have Kaylee on my knee, the tantrums are becoming unbearable (when she doesnt get what she wants) and i end up locking her in her bedroom, but then im so stressed i cannot appreciate that little bit of time out that putting her in her bedroom gives me. and the grizzling for no reason, is just so ongoing!! i just dont have a clue where to go from here, its just getting too full on for me to handle, and shes not even 2 yet! apart from keeping up with timeout and continuing to stick to my guns (dont get me wrong, even though she wants it all, she does not get it, i do not let her rule my house, i am the parent, i am the adult, and i am in charge) what else do i do?? negotiation does not work, she doesnt understand it, i do try it, but she really has no idea what im trying to tell her, things like star charts etc, she is still too young for too, she has no idea how "cool" a sticker is or a stamp, argh its just so frustrating because all of a sudden im just so lost, i thought i had it down pat! now i dont have a friggin clue!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

anyway, Natalia is of course absolutly gorgeous, Kate is looking stunning, she is so slim and just glowing and SO proud of her beautiful family, Joe is being a fantastic Dad, taking it VERY seriously and doing a great job, and Amelia is a beautiful big sister, just adores Natalia, it was wonderful to see!

i got 127 photos of out honeymoon printed today, ive booked in for Scrapbooking classes again and will start next wednesday, i am VERY much looking foward to doing something for ME again, on my own, without any kids! ive been putting it off because they go so late, but the time has come where i will just have an early night the next night, i need to get out, and im desperate to get my wedding album done and finished. call it my way of nesting! i cant bend down far enough to clean out the cupboards! lol

im slowly getting around the house washing the inside of the windows, very slowly! lol hopefully they (well the insides, im too sore to do the outsides!) will all be nice and clean in time for Kaylees birthday!

so a bit of this and a bit of that going on, yes i am very hormonal, and very tired, but im still me. Sometimes just being me, just doesnt happen....