More ramblings :)

See! once i start, i cant stop! lmao

this is a bit of an ongoing post, been writing it since i finished the last one! its amazing when your writing this stuff, how many memories come back, and thoughts, and feelings.

I used to worry all the time what others thought of me, how they thought i looked, acted, came across, if they thought i was weird, a bitch, mean. then i had an AHA moment about a year ago, and i realised WHY on earth should i give a shit what anyone else thinks of me? worrying about it all the time just worried me, and i became a much happier person when i stopped caring! As long as i kept myself healthy, and happy, my children and household are healthy and happy, why should i worry about what anyone else thinks?

My favourite colour is yellow, dont know why, it ALWAYS has been, ever since i was a tot, everything had to be yellow! its such a bright, happy, cheerful, fun colour, i just love it!

i dont know if its a favourite number (is there such a thing?) or a lucky number, but for me, its 26, the number 26 ALWAYS comes up, and everytime i have to think of or use a number, i use 26, have done for as long as i can remember.

i am the eldest of 4, i have a brother who is 22, a sister who is 17 and a sister who is 14. i never got on with my mother when i lived at home (during the teenage years) wasnt that i was naughty, far from it, bookworm! just that our personalities are so similar (i see that NOW!) that we clashed constantly. we get on GREAT now! my father walked out on the family about 4 years ago, just walked out, no warning, and has been completely selfish ever since, chance after chance he has been given, but to miss MY wedding (not even a card!) and my daughters 2nd birthday(he has never met Kaylee), well that just makes me angry, not sad anymore. broken promises for Africa, i dont believe a damn thing, not anymore.

my earliest memory was when i was 2, we used to live in Ruawai up north, on a farm, for some dumb reason i ended up a tree, was easy to get up, not so easy to get down, i felt like i would be left there forever, Mum reckons it was only a few minutes, she heard me screaming, but i just remember feeling so alone and scared. not a nice memory, but my earliest. i can giggle about it now. but at 2, i look at Kaylee and dont ever want her to feel scared or alone, not ever.

I used to go pistol shooting (target) with my father from about 10 years of age, yep, Carla behind a gun, lol that make you scared?? i loved it, had a great time and did it for a few years.

i think Guilt and Shame are wasted emotions

i dont have a favourite season, i find i love bits about them all, i love Winter for its crisp and freshness, for its cold nights snuggled up in bed with my electric blanket, a good book, some chocolate and the rain pelting down, I love Summer days, the warmth, the sun, the beach, i love the newness of springtime and the prettyness of Autumn.

i sleep butt naked, cannot stand having PJs on and am not looking foward to when i get further on in this pregnancy and have to wear bras and breastpads to bed, because i know i will leak! lots!

i am a sexual, passionate, loving Woman, and i think thats pretty cool. except when im pregnant, the thought of sex, repulses me.

I have a fowl mouth, i try to curb it around children, but the odd obscenity pops out. im not a LOUD person, i find there is nothing more embarressing than being with someone who YELLS instead of TALKS and all of your business gets spread everywhere!!!!! lol i really want to try one day to mention (i know a few people who yell) that they may want to get their ears checked, cos they are hurting mine.... but that will probably come across REAL bitchy!

i remember one time when i was out on a walk with Kate, i decided in my madness, it would be a great time to stop at the fruit shop and do a bit of shopping, (we used to park at tennis courts and walk around a big block) except the "few" things i was going to get, turned into 2 big bags of fruit and vege and a HUGE watermelon! (stop laughing Kate!) it took us SO long to get back to our cars again, and what was even worse, was that one of the bags broke!!! so at peak hour, in Henderson, walking down one of the main roads, with loose fruit, vege and a watermelon, trying to make sure the other bag didnt break! shit it was funny, and gawd we were so tired!! i still have a giggle about that now!

My middle name is Ann, boring old Ann, i hated it as a kid, was SO jealous of everyone with COOL names and i was CARLA ANN, i hated telling people my name, lmao, yeah like i had a say in it! but without my middle name, i wouldnt be me :)

I bite my nails, have done all my life, the first time i ever grew them successfully was for my wedding, then they started just peeling away (they were SO soft!) and im back to biting again.

im the type of person that has NO diy bone in their body, if something needs doing, i call someone in, even painting a set of drawers, lol no way! couldnt do it! i would make SUCH a damn mess of it all, however there is a bookshelf in Kaylees room that needs painting, and i WILL attempt that at some stage, but for now, it can stay multicoloured!

I got my first pair of glasses at age 7, i think mum still has them, they are multicoloured... lmao, they used to break all the time, and when they did, they had to be sent back to Germany to be repaired! lmao, i stopped wearing glasses at around 10, i changed schools, and the new school, well, the kids were different, i got called nerdy, lmao, looking back i was nerdy! always had my nose in the book, the library was my best friend at school, you never felt lonely in the library, it didnt matter if you were on your own then! I loved Nancy Drew, Trixie Belden, famous 5, secret 7, Babysitters club etc. i didnt wear glasses again until i was about 15 when i got my contact lenses, and now, im back to glasses again, and i LOVE them!

i keep entertained for hours sometimes clicking "next blog" on the top right hand corner of blogger, wow, ive found some weird stuff! i wonder how many people have surfed onto me accidentaly?