VENT ALERT!!!!

Ok, this is not going to be a happy post, its going to be me getting EVERYTHING out, i make no apologies for any bad language or ill mannered comments, because i am PISSED OFF!!!

My own father, who only lives in Wellington (im in Auckland) has left it until today, the 17th of January, to tell me he is not coming to my wedding. the RSVP date was last Monday the 9th of January, he knew the date of the wedding since mid last year, then reminded again of it in October and November, the Wedding invitation was sent early December, he asked for time off work YESTERDAY! (i dont even know for sure if he actually asked, he just told me he did, i will bet ya 5 bucks he didnt. he just doesnt want to come. yes i have had problems with my father since he walked out on my mother, HUGE problems, but my own wedding? AND his only grandchilds naming ceremony?? how can you have a conscience! he has NOT even met Kaylee who is 18mths old now. he STILL forgets her name sometimes. I just get so angry with him and so hurt that he doesnt give a flying fuck about me. its so frustrating and it PISSES ME OFF. he said he just cannot afford to take time off (what is it dad, they wouldnt let you or you cant afford??) because they are SOOOOO POOR, yes teh lovely new Mercedes costs a lot to get groomed doesnt it, and the hundreds of thousands you are sitting on since you sold your house and havent brought a new one yet, thats just hurting your ass too much isnt it! oh and dont forget the trip to America in April for HER sons wedding, that YOU are paying for, but oh are too poor to help contribute to mine! dont forget you promised my two younger sisters a holiday to come with you too. but my al cheapo wedding, done everything on the absolute cheapest i could, just to have everyone i want, who means something to me attend, thats just not good enough for him. WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE TO YOU DAD! WHAT!!!

Just sux, fucken hurts like anything, i feel so friggin unwanted right now. you think i would be used to it, im 24 years old, he left when i was 20, ive had 4 years of let downs and bullshit. but hes my father. its probably easier hes not coming, he would get some serious questioning by certain friends and family members and my wedding isnt the place for it, but surely he could have come up for one day, one very special day for my wee family

im so emotional, so stressed out, trying really hard to get everything done nicely for this wedding, when can i start enjoying my wedding??? my hormones are all up the shit, since i lost the baby i have not wanted to get pregnant again at all, a few weeks ago i would have been so happy to leave it another year, but this last week i have been missing my baby so much, just wanting and wishing it back into my stomach. this is meant to be a happy time for me, this is meant to be MY TIME, and i just cannot enjoy it. my hens night is on Saturday night, there have been quite a few people invited and only 3 people have said yes they are coming, i love those people to bits that are coming, so im glad they rsvpd first, in one case within minutes!!! but what about the rest? my bridesmaid Belinda is organising it having a hell of a time getting people to let her know what they are doing, is it THAT HARD to say yes or no? these are meant to be people who are meant to give a shit about me, god knows i have gone out of my way for them, and they dont have the decency to say yes they are or no they arent coming to something so important to me!?!?! i feel so little right now, so farking worthless, i try so hard for so many people, why the hell should i bother any more???

give me one good reason