update
Today was a very sad day for us, Darryls Nana passed away a couple of weeks ago and it was her funeral today, it brought the family together, and sometimes its a sad thing that it takes someone passing to bring the family all together again. RIP dear Nana you will be terribly missed xxx
there has been a lot going on still in our lives, the children are getting older and more independant, Kaylee is talking a lot more and understanding more than what we think she does, but at the same time is a lot more demanding, which is hard. Olivia is crawling, and is nearly 10 months old, scary to think that the month after next she turns 1.
im still not myself, there has been a lot of fiddling with medications and they are still not right, its frustrating for me that it has been this long and im still not right, kind of scary too, i guess i didnt realise how sick i actually am and have been. i constantly feel sluggish and slow and am still scared to drive, because if this is how i feel at home, how would it be on the road. but i am getting there
i have been talking to Darryl about going back to work, i miss the corporate world, i miss my work friends and i miss doing things that dont revolve around children. but we have made the choice to have children, so they do need to be our priority, and if i did go back to work i would need to find a job that covers the cost of daycare, which is hideously priced, and with the work that i know how to do, im not sure if there is a job out there that suits me, i did want to work for our own business, but im unsure at the moment exactly what i want to do and when i want to do it, i just know that staying at home with the kids fulltime is no longer what i want or enjoy. im not sure if its the illness talking, or if its just a fact of life and i just need to trundle on through.
im still taking 1 day at a time, 1 step at a time, i know that eventually i will get better, but its frustrating at how long its taking, Darryl says that he sees glimpses of the real me now and again, oh how i wish for that full time, i just wish i was ME and i wish i had the energy to do the things i used to do.
so anyway, i havent moved forward, but i havent moved backwards, so that is something i guess, one day i will be back, and im sure everyone will know the time has come, i just wish it was sooner rather than later.
i will leave you with a quote i found when reading a forum of mine that i go to,
"dont regret something that once made you smile"
i like the quote, and i find it makes you think a little, never regret your past, its made you who you are today, you cant change what happened yesterday though, but you can have control over what tomorrow will be like
i just have to hold onto that.
much luv
xxxxx
4 comments:
Carla I'm so sorry you are still not yourself. I can't imagine how frustrated you must be but hang in there because eventually things will get clearer.
Working would give you another outlet to be around adults rather than just children which will definately give your spirits a lift. Maybe look at something parttime of an evening for a couple of hours while Darryl can watch the kids.
I got to stage where I HATED being at home with the kids as I felt I was missing out on the adult world and people would only talk to me about babies/kids which drove me insane.
Good luck with whatever you decide, thinking of you :)
I am really sorry to hear about Darryls Nana. You know you sound so much better in this post than in the last two. If it is going to make you happy then by all means, look for work outside the home. It does not make you a bad mother, some people are fine as stay at home Mums & some aren't and often it is not until you do it that you find out. Maybe you could tackle numbers 5 & 9 on your 101 list then look at seking work, even if it os only part time. I know a great person who can help you with no 5, she did me & is really great.
So sorry for the loss of Darryl's Nana who was obviously very dear to you *hugs*
You do sound more optimistic now, and it must be frustrating that they haven't got your meds quite right yet. I understand perfectly what you are feeling about missing the corporate world. You love your children to death but you also need that adult stimulation. I hope you find a way of balancing the two. You will be happier for it.
I'm so sorry for your loss Carla, I know what you're going through as I recently lost my mother in law quite suddenly and it's definitely made me appreciate my family so much more.
I agree with Christine - you're definitely sounding more optimistic, that's definitely a good sign. Each day is a step closer to being yourself again. Sounds like a part time job might help you considerably - find a way to make it work, I think it will be well worth it.
Take care of yourself!
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