Hard Work!
It has blown me away how much hard work having 2 kids is, i have no idea how people cope with 3 or 4 under 5! I have had to change the whole way i do things and "let go" of some common habits i had, just in order to make life smoother for myself.
I have so many emotions and feelings running through me right now, from love through to anger, and its really hard trying to deal with them all, the way i am they chop and change at the drop of a hat anyway!
I really wish Darryl could take some time off work, the only day he has had off is the day that Olivia was born, so i feel like ive just been thrown in the deep end, here you go, give birth, and bang your on your own now, 2 kids, 1 who your trying to introduce into the world nicely and keep calm and quiet for, but the other who throws untold tantys, gets very jealous (something i AM working on) or very rough, but really at 2 doesnt understand the consequences for her actions, she doesnt understand why mummy is yelling all the time or crying for the rest of the time, she doesnt understand why mummy cant do anything with her anymore, when mummy is on the couch feeding bubba, she doesnt understand that i cant get up and play with her, that all i can do is read her books and put on dvds for her, i feel so useless and so terrible every time i turn on the tv to entertain her, i hate the fact that i have no energy or no creativity to do anything with her right now, i hate the fact that i can feel myself spirilling down and getting lower and deeper into depression, i want to stay off the meds, i really do, but i just cant stop the way im feeling.
So on Monday or Tuesday next week, im off down to Mums to stay for a while, my sister is nearly finished school so will be home, Mum finishes work at about 3 every day and has some days off, so i wont be so alone, its a hard feeling - lonelyness - i KNOW i have people i can call on, but i HATE inconveniancing people, i always feel like i do that when i call on someone, and i just cant add another emotion into it right now, i just need my family around me right now, and by me going away for a while it means that Darryl can catch up on all the work that is building up, he can work late and start early and it wont matter, and maybe just maybe by the time i get back, whenever that may be, he will have caught up enough and have enough money in the bank to have a few days off with me. its definitely times like these when im sad that we arent employed by someone, (we are selfemployed) that we dont have that sick pay, or parental leave, or annual leave to fall back on, because its definitely times like these when we need it.
8 comments:
With no experience to base these comments on, I just know that raising two kids is a BLOODY hard job, and you are doing a fantastic job. Don’t ever doubt your abilities as a mother, you already have Kaylee to prove that you’re a great mum and you know what you’re doing. Having a newborn has gatecrashed on your routine, so now you just need to find that balance that will allow you to give both girls what they need. And soon enough Olivia will be a bit less independent and you’ll be able to spend more time with Kaylee, it will just take some time and adjusting.
And you’re right, it is really hard on you that Darryl has to work so much, and I really hope he can take some time off to spend with the family over Christmas.
A break with your mum sounds like a FANTASTIC idea, I’m really glad you’re making the trip.
Please let me know if there is anything at all I can do to help.
Take care xxxx
I agree completely with what Emily has said, and coming from my own experience, this is the hardest thing I have ever done. And I too have days when all I seem to do is yell and cry and feel like throwing things.
It will get easier. It does get easier - just like it did with Kaylee. I think it's extra hard at the moment because our big girls are at a really difficult age anyway. Argh! I honestly feel exactly how you are describing - for the past week or so.
Good on you for going to your Mum's. I know they will look after you well. And when you come back, DO let me know when you need a break.. I'll come and take the girls for a walk, or play or whatever. Drop Kaylee off for the day and have a day by yourself with Olivia, the girls will love it.
It's never going to be inconvienient to me, because I love it when Amelia has someone to play with.
You aren't alone, even though it SO feels like it sometimes!
Love you lots!!!
Listen to your mates up there, sounds like they know what they are talking about. I shan't repeat it all, just agree. Go have a break with yr Mum and family... and know that this time will pass and it does get easier... believe it or not the more babies you have the better it gets! lol
I Know exactly how you feel, I still have days like that & mine are 9 & 6. One thing I did do when I had the second one is on Saturdays, I would leave her home with her Dad & have Mummy & Samyson time, just for an hour or so. We would go to the library or out for a muffin. It was the one time he could consistantly get one on one time. Once you get a bit of routine going & a bit more sleep you will feel heaps better. You are doing a great job.
Hey girl,
I have no idea what to say...but I do think you're making a good choice by going down to stay with your mum.
Unfortunately my Mum is finding it hard to settle into our routine and life in Japan...it's a bit stressful having her here at the moment but I know if we were at her house in Australia it would be totally different.
Keep us updated when you can...it helps so much just to write it down :)
I agree with all the others (of course!) you are doing an awesome job of raising your girls and I cant imagine how difficult it must be some days, Sounds like you are doing the right thing going to visit your mum,and I hope Darryl works super hard so you guys can spend some time together soon!
{{HUGS}}}
*super dooper big hugs* to you hun... Am pleased you are able to go to your mums for some family time and for some company.
I wish I lived closer so I could help you out...
Do take care and remember I am only an email or txt or phone call away if you want to chat at ANY time.
*hugs*
Thinking of you Carla. You are doing the best you can do and being the best mother you can. You don't have to be "perfect" to be a fantastic mum. You love your girls so much - that is what matters. - Amy
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