1 month old

yep Olivia turned 1 month old yesterday, isnt it amazing how fast time has flown??

the days are still melting into each other to be honest and im still trying to find the balance between Olivia/Kaylee/business/housework/Darryl. Olivia feeds non stop, a lot of it is comfort, so i am using a dummy, (blardy godsend! shite my nipples hurt some days!) and i am doing a bit of expressing every day too to top her up before bed at night, and it seems to work well with Olivia sleeping around 6 hours in a row.

Today has been an unsettled day unfortunatly with Olivia going to bed for the first time at around 2pm, its now 4pm and i have NO intention of waking her, not after the constant feeding and crying that has been today!

kaylee is having a ball at kindy, the teachers were telling me today that they had music and she really got into it dancing and singing, had a great time (we do this at home too, she loves it! but they have cool musical instruments at kindy too) so im really happy that she has settled in well,

unfortunatly Kaylee has not eaten in 2 days (and counting!) its really hard as a mother seeing your child not eat, it makes me feel so dreadful and like a complete failure, i have NO idea why she is doing this, apart from being totally stubborn! BUT we will persevere and still serve her up exactly what we all eat and we are hoping that eventually she will start to eat again soon.

we arent being unreasonable in our requests for her to eat, we arent putting down dreadfully discusting food or anything like that! for example a days worth of (offered!) food usually consists of: Breakfast - Weetbix and pureed fruit or ricebubbles and yoghurt or toast and yoghurt, Morning tea - Rice wheels (they are flavoured rice crisps made by healtheries) or/and muesli bar or/and yoghurt (depending on if she had one with breakfast or not), Lunch - sandwhich (vegemite or cheese usually) a peice of fruit (she NEVER eats fruit or veggies at the moment unless pureed and hidden! its so hard! but i still offer!) and a few other bits and bobs depending on what we have in the house, Dinner - last night was chicken drumsticks, a bit of rice risotto and a pasta salad from the supermarket (easy slap up dinner!) tonight its going to be mince chowmein, i am HOPING that being mince she will at least try it! see this is where our frustration kicks in, its not like she is trying the food and not liking it, she is not even attempting ONE bite! not one! if she only tried half the stuff we KNOW that she would enjoy it!

Kindy arent having much luck either unfortunatly, she point blank refuses morning tea (fruit and then once they finish 3 peices of fruit they can have a plain bikkie) and very rarely even attempts lunch (today it was vegetarian burgers - they are a vegetarian daycare - she just ate the bread around the burger!) so she does get offered good food at most if not all of her meals! its a very rare occasion where she gets mcdonalds or takeaways, and even then she only nibbles at a few chips and nuggets, im surprised she is growing at the rate she is, lol its not food doing it thats for sure!

anyway, just needed to vent a little bit, its all so frustrating!

lol we joke that the waste disposal gets fed better than Kaylee at the moment, it gets all her meals!

week 3 pics

can you believe Olivia is 4 weeks old today!! man time flys! but ohhh so in love i am with my wee baby! and lately even more in love (is that possible??) with kaylee too, its so nice to have fantastic children!!

Things are really busy around here lately, i havent been reading as many blogs as i have wanted to, and making even less comments on the ones i have got around to, please dont think im ignoring you!! haha im just FULL ON! Definitely silly season time methinks! I havent even got out the thankyou cards yet for Olivias gifts! i have them all written out, now just up to the addressing stage, lol its taken me a week to get this far!!!! between christmas, the business and being a new mum again, wow not much time at the moment! but im actually quite enjoying being busy i must say!

plodding along

Im slowly finding my way into a routine, hopefully i can get Olivia into a more regular pattern with feeding and sleeping, she seems to feed lately every hour and a half, which is just shitloads! so i have been using the dummy a lot with her to try and drag out the time more and then she gets a longer bigger feed which fills her up for longer (thats the idea anyway!) she is doing pretty well at night still, i think i am lucky there, she only really wakes once or twice a night, depending on what time we all go to bed.

My MW is coming this afternoon so we will see what Olivia weighs, im sure she has put on heaps, shes getting quite chubby!

im feeling terrible today, very nausious, blah, hopefully i will feel better soon, why i think im nausious is because yesterday i DID NOT STOP EATING! OMG i ate and ate and ate like i have never seen food before, i tried to stick to sandwhiches and fruit and cereal, but potato chips, mallowpuffs and icecream got a say too.... i feel so foul today! i was just HUNGRY, however today, i have only just had a bowl of cereal, but i feel so ill im definitely not hungry!

Kaylee is back at Kindy today! yesterday when Darryl dropped her off she barely battered an eyelid, waved him byebye and set about playing, they told me when i went to pick her up that she was quite shy and quiet, (which is very normal for Kaylee anyway, around strangers) but she seemed to enjoy herself, this morning when Darryl dropped her off she went straight to an activity with some other children and waved Darryl byebye and set about to it, no qualms at all about staying there and quite happy for him to leave, YAY!! so i had a lovely lie in this morning with Olivia, Darryl got Kaylee ready and only woke me so i could tie Kaylees hair up (he tried, but couldnt... he needs to practise! haha) so im so happy and so relieved that Kaylee is enjoying Kindy, and i was pretty glad she wasnt here this morning to be honest when i smashed a glass all over the kitchen floor.... it shattered and took forever to clean up! i can imagine a nosey 2 year old making it all the more harder!!

im having a bad hair day... so desperate for a haircut!!

my sleeping babies :)

taken this afternoon, i had Olivia asleep in the sling i was wearing and Kaylee in bed, so quiet and peaceful and innocent!!!!

took Kaylee for a visit to daycare today, i had to go out of the room for a bit and do some paperwork, and when i came back i watched Kaylee play, she thought i wasnt there and was having a great time, so i dont have any problems at all leaving her there, put my mind at ease completely, she didnt want to come home!!!!

its so damned muggy! im trying to find a balance for Olivia between nice and cool, but still warm, if that makes sense, at the moment she is just in a bodysuit, nothing else and has been so since lunchtime, if i put anything else on her she sweats! but im "wearing" her in the sling at the moment so she is warm enough beside me, but not sweating at all, but i wont be wearing her all the time! its great though because im hands free while still holding her!

we have no plans for this weekend, Darryl is probably working tomorrow, but thats ok, hopefully once he gets home he can help me with the housework, its such a pigsty here at the moment, ive vacuumed most of the house daily, but a couple of the bedrooms need a good going over and some more windows need washing, so thats my boring plan for this weekend! haha

hope you enjoy yours, whatever you may be doing!

Weight off my shoulders :)

Sometimes it just takes a good vent or sob to relieve yourself, i always feel SO much better after i have got it all out, my frustrations never seem as big and overwhelming and i can gain perspective again.

Thank you all so much for your messages and emails yesterday, i really do appreciate it, and im feeling heaps better today, actually things have been pretty productive around here!

Darryl got home last night with information for a daycare down the road from where he works, the wife of one of the guys he works for, got on the phone and rang a couple of daycares and found out that this daycare had an opening, 3 mornings per week, i felt a wee bit embarressed that she had done this, not because it was someone doing something i should of been doing, (LOL!) but because i had rang all the daycares around where i live, not thinking outside the square and thinking of somewhere close to where Darryl is based, i really didnt think about that, i just thought about my own travel! whereas with this place, Kaylee will go Monday, Tuesday and Thursdays from 7.30 - 12pm, Darryl can drop her off on the way to work and i will pick her up again, but it means i have those 3 mornings free to spend with Olivia, to go shopping, out for coffee (stress free!), have some ME time etc, KNOWING that Kaylee is safe, and secure and having a great time!

When we pulled up to the daycare today, Kaylees eyes boggled at the play areas, the waterplay, the paints, the crafts, the books and toys and of course the other children, she was going around saying "ohhh wow!" and really taking it all in, Darryl and her popped in yesterday for a wee bit, and we will also pop in tomorrow for a longer visit so she can get used to the teachers (who are SO lovely!) and the kids. I think it will take her a wee while to settle in, she is quite reserved, but once she makes a friend or two she is off! They provide all the food, morning tea is fruit and a plain biscuit, the only drinks they have is water (which is perfect as Water and Milk is all we give Kaylee anyway) and they provide a cooked lunch as well (vegetarian, no meat!), all included in the weekly price, so really healthy, it looked very safe and i feel SO good that we are doing this for Kaylee, she will just love it and was desperate for more interaction from children her own age. She will be able to do so much more than what i can do with her at the moment, she just loves painting and crafty things and waterplay, I did have her enrolled in a private kindy across the road from where i live, which is a lot cheaper and of course so close to home, however they only do school terms, and Kaylee probably wont be called up until January or February next year, but i am keeping her on that waiting list anyway, just to keep my options open.

So from there we went to coffeegroup at a local playgym place, Kaylee had a wonderful time on the bouncycastle, trampoline, bikes and ride on toys while i drank hotchoc and gossed with the other mums, Kaylee actually didnt want to come home! but she came home absolutly shattered, hardly ate any lunch and went to bed, i can hear her singing (ABC's) now which means she has had a 3 hour sleep, just lovely! Olivia too has been asleep for that time as well so i have been able to relax, eat, drink, tidy, wash dishes and blob on here!

Really good day, i dont feel so out of control any more!

oh and i wont be going down to mums for a few weeks yet i have decided, as we are starting Kaylee at daycare from this monday i want to get her settled and into a routine before we chop and change too much!

now i have to go shopping for some daycare clothes, lmao, things that i wont care what happens to them! Op Shop here i come!!! :D

Hard Work!

It has blown me away how much hard work having 2 kids is, i have no idea how people cope with 3 or 4 under 5! I have had to change the whole way i do things and "let go" of some common habits i had, just in order to make life smoother for myself.

I have so many emotions and feelings running through me right now, from love through to anger, and its really hard trying to deal with them all, the way i am they chop and change at the drop of a hat anyway!

I really wish Darryl could take some time off work, the only day he has had off is the day that Olivia was born, so i feel like ive just been thrown in the deep end, here you go, give birth, and bang your on your own now, 2 kids, 1 who your trying to introduce into the world nicely and keep calm and quiet for, but the other who throws untold tantys, gets very jealous (something i AM working on) or very rough, but really at 2 doesnt understand the consequences for her actions, she doesnt understand why mummy is yelling all the time or crying for the rest of the time, she doesnt understand why mummy cant do anything with her anymore, when mummy is on the couch feeding bubba, she doesnt understand that i cant get up and play with her, that all i can do is read her books and put on dvds for her, i feel so useless and so terrible every time i turn on the tv to entertain her, i hate the fact that i have no energy or no creativity to do anything with her right now, i hate the fact that i can feel myself spirilling down and getting lower and deeper into depression, i want to stay off the meds, i really do, but i just cant stop the way im feeling.

So on Monday or Tuesday next week, im off down to Mums to stay for a while, my sister is nearly finished school so will be home, Mum finishes work at about 3 every day and has some days off, so i wont be so alone, its a hard feeling - lonelyness - i KNOW i have people i can call on, but i HATE inconveniancing people, i always feel like i do that when i call on someone, and i just cant add another emotion into it right now, i just need my family around me right now, and by me going away for a while it means that Darryl can catch up on all the work that is building up, he can work late and start early and it wont matter, and maybe just maybe by the time i get back, whenever that may be, he will have caught up enough and have enough money in the bank to have a few days off with me. its definitely times like these when im sad that we arent employed by someone, (we are selfemployed) that we dont have that sick pay, or parental leave, or annual leave to fall back on, because its definitely times like these when we need it.

More pics :)

Pics :)

Just Stuff

Wow, its a little bit different having 2 children, compared to having 1! i didnt make it out to Playgroup the other day, as much as i wanted to, there were a few nights where i was getting 2-4 hours sleep tops, and i was exhausted, devestated, buggered, stuffed, tired! lol you name it! i couldnt function properly at all and had several meltdowns! its amazing what a few extra hours sleep does though, the last couple of nights have been really good with Olivia only waking 1 or 2 times, last night was fantastic as i got 5 hours in a row, bliss!!

But i did have my first ever outing yesterday with the 2 girls on my own! i was going stir crazy at home, just felt so cooped up and didnt know if i could handle Kaylee and Olivia all by myself, so i texted Kate, and said "wanna meet for coffee!" i was SO glad she wasnt busy and i got to have adult conversation for a couple of hours!! i must however make the effort this week to go and get the skateboard attachment for the back of my buggy for Kaylee to stand on, it was ordered back at the end of August/start September and has only JUST arrived! it will make going out so much easier, as walking with a 2 year old walking is pretty slow going! (and a bit funny, she likes to walk on her own - big girl you know - and she is so random with her direction, tends to not watch where she is going!) haha i rang Darryl on the way home from the mall, so pleased with myself, lol, i did it! and it wasnt THAT hard! (i had myself a bit worked up about it!)

Olivia is doing really well, she was weighed back on Wednesday and at 12 days old was now 10g OVER her birth weight, with a gain of 150g in 5 days! i was so proud of myself for that one! i had HUGE feeding problems with Kaylee and was made to feel like the worlds worst, and this time things are going so right! but im secretly a bit sad, i want my wee bubba to stay wee for a while longer yet!!! *sobs* i just love the first few weeks, even though you are getting everything established and everything working right and your lacking so much in sleep, there is just something so special about a newborn baby, you can see their personality developing, their eyes focusing, and they are so dependant on you and only you, i just love it :)

My nipples hurt like hell today though! (just sharing! haha) they arent grazed or cracked or anything, they look fine, just overuse i think, i spent SO much of yesterday feeding Olivia, it would seem like i would just finish feeding and half an hour later she would want more! owwww! hence the 5 hour stint of sleeping last night i think, i do feel a little tied down, and really sorry for Kaylee when she needs me and i just cant do anything because im feeding Olivia, but all these little things will get ironed out, and every day seems a bit easier! its been a huge learning curve for me though!

Im so craving a Dennys Spicy Chicken Salad right now, yummmmmm

Darryls Mo is growing quite nicely, hes pretty proud of it, i still think its butt ugly!! ah well, as long as it gets shaved off by the end of the month im happy!

will try to get some more photos up real soon

Movember....

Yep Darryl is going to grow it, much to my disgust! i HATE facial hair! haha i wonder what would happen if i said im not going to shave my armpits for a month!! (ew! no i wouldnt do that!) anyway, come the end of the month he WILL shave it off (he has no choice, he knows i would come after him in his sleep!) but it will be very interesting to see how icky it looks by then! if you havent guessed he is going for the OCC handlebars look!!!!!

I did what i was scared to do today, i stepped on the scales, and im DAMN pleased i did! 98kg baby! the first time in about 5 years that i have been under 100kg! so lets keep it this way huh? im not going to "diet" but i am going to limit the chips, chocolates, hot chocolates, muffins etc that i have got into the habit of having quite often lately, way too often actually. we still eat healthy breakfasts, lunchs and dinners, i just have to watch my snacking and of course eventually start walking again. Had a yummy dinner tonight, just a beef stirfry on Basmati Rice, but i just lightly flavoured the beef with a bit of sweet chilli and a teaspoon of red curry paste, it was really nice without being saucy and too laden with flavours, yummmm

im venturing out on my own for the first time tomorrow! im a bit scared, but have all Kaylees things ready to go, and just need to sort Olivias nappy bag out, im biting the bullet and taking Kaylee to a playgroup, im pretty shit with big groups of new people that i dont know, so when Darryls sister rang me to see if i wanted her to take Kaylee to playgroup, i thought, oh what the hell, and said im coming too, be good for me to get out of the house (also means i can detour on the way home and get SUSHI for lunch!! yum!!) i have to be back home by 1pm for my midwives appt, but im sure i will enjoy being out and about, i just have to take the plunge and do it, and it shouldnt be that hard (im hoping!)

Kaylee went to work with Darryl for the afternoon today, poor thing has been getting so bored, i really dont know how to juggle her and Olivia, i will work it out im sure, but plonking Kaylee infront of the TV all the time really isnt doing her any favours (or me!) i have managed to take her to the playground a couple of times, but hopefully i will be in some kind of routine again in the next couple of weeks and Kaylee wont be so bored!!

All these new things that i have to learn! we will get there!!

FOOD!

I NEED to get my eating under control again! it just seems to be at the moment that i just eat and eat and eat! I am trying very hard to eat healthy when i do eat, but it makes it hard when i have visitors who bring slices, cakes, muffins etc! SO HARD! I know that in order to keep up my breastmilk supply i have to eat well, BUT i can do without the chips and chocolates and biscuits, i know i can! Doesnt help also that im making up for lost time with all the things i couldnt eat during pregnancy!

Im dying to start walking again, but i do think i need to give myself maybe another week to heal properly down below, ive been walking down to the playground, around the shops/supermarket etc, however brisk walking i think is a bit down the track! i will start off slowly and build up i think, evenings with Darryl will be best, he can push one pram, i can push the other, SO much planning to do when there is 2 children instead of 1!!

I went into Farmers the other day as i was DESPERATE for some non preggy clothing! i got a pair of 3/4 pants and a singlet, i never try things on in shops, im a sucker for punishment! but i decided to be a bit adventurous and get a size smaller than my pre preggy size in both items, well, what do you know! the pants fit perfectly and the top i had to return for a size smaller! YAY! hence why i have to get this eating under control, i dont want to put back on the size that i have lost!

I have not weighed myself since having Olivia, why? because i think i may cry if i see those numbers! the last month or so of the pregnancy i felt like i did nothing but eat and eat, so, there you have it! my confessions of my bad eating habits! haha hopefully i will have everything under control again really soon, walking will definatly help, as will this lovely weather, bbq steak and salad is what we have had for dinner for the past few nights, just have to take things one step at a time i guess, but, you know me, im impatient! haha

Doing Ok

hiya :) thanks for all your nice comments, Mum got here early yesterday morning, and we were relieved to find that Granddad has made a fantastic recovery, where as the other day he couldnt even talk, he is back to his old self almost! Mum will stay maybe one or two more nights, until he is ready to be discharged from hospital, and then he may go back down with her for a bit, or he will go back home, whatever he wants to do (hes stubborn and you cant argue with him, its where i get it from apparently!)

anyway, busy times, i have visitors arriving shortly to meet Olivia, then shortly after another few visitors to meet Olivia and then Darryls family are all coming to dinner!!! its going to be a busy household for the next few hours! i better defrost some meat! haha

Busy Times!!

First things first!! HUGE congratulations to Karen and Stephan on the birth of Rachel!!! i cannot wait to see photos! so exciting!!

Things have been quite full on here the last couple of days, Olivia and Kaylee are both doing absolutly wonderfully, (im a very proud Mummy!) and Mum went home on Thursday, unfortunatly Mum had to come back again today as we got a phone call yesterday morning saying that Granddad had unfortunatly had a stroke, we only saw him last on Thursday morning when Mum brought him here for a visit, he was playing wonderfully with Kaylee and held Olivia for ages, we got some lovely pics, and then overnight he had the stroke and has just changed so much, Mum is in the hospital with him now, he is undergoing more tests and scans, although he is a little better than we initially thought, we dont know the true damage yet, or whether or not its recoverable. My Gran (his Mother) died several years ago after a series of Strokes, starting out much the same as his one did. but we will know more once Mum gets home from the hospital and then i will probably go in to see him tonight (couldnt go today as i cannot take the girls into the hospital and Darryl was working - if we go in altogether Darryl can wait in the car with the girls, and then im not too far away to BF Olivia)

Anyway, here are some very special pics taken on Thursday

GO KAREN!!

So excited to get Karens text this morning saying shes on her way to hospital! have been thinking of her all morning and cant wait to hear when her precious wee girl has arrived!!

Things are going really well here (i think so anyway!) Olivia has settled in nicely, had a bit of a rough patch yesterday evening, i didnt know if it was wind, or what it was, she just wanted to suckle on me the whole time, but not actually drink, if that makes sense, and if i pulled her off (because if they dont suck properly it really hurts your nipples!) she would scream! didnt help that Darryls parents were here and everyone was looking at me (i thought anyway!) because i didnt know how to keep her calm! (I had a wee cry when they left with Darryl, i hate hearing my kids cry!) we couldnt bring up any wind, so we put a dummy in her mouth, and wow, silence and she went to sleep! nice! come bedtime though she didnt want to go to bed on her own, so ended up sleeping on me all night, im not a sleep on my back kind of person, so even though i did sleep, it wasnt very well i dont think!

Olivia has been really good with her sleeping at night though, apart from not wanting to go in her own bed (can you blame her really? i mean she has been inside me all this time and then to be suddenly seperated, must be hard!) we tend to go to bed at 10.30pm-11pm and she wakes again around 2.30am-3.30am ish, and then sleeps through until around 7-8am, which is quite nice we thought! so really its only waking once in the night for her to feed and then sleep again! i can handle that!

Feeding is going really well too, she is latching almost first time every time, which i have just found such a great boost for my self-esteem, Kaylee never breastfed properly, never latched properly, never sucked properly, (as a result my milk never came in properly because she didnt suck enough to bring it on and she lost a lot of weight) Darryl and i would be up for hours in the night sitting there with her trying to get her on the boob, she would latch, and then a few seconds later come off, it was tiring, devestating, hard on all of us, contributed greatly to my state of mind (aka failure!) and post natal depression was a resulting factor (not just solely the breastfeeding though, other things too contributed to that i think) so i just love the fact that i can feed my baby, and feed her well this time!

i do know that its only early days, wow, can you believe that already Olivia will be a week old tomorrow!!!!!!!!

My mum has been staying since Sunday, its been SO nice, ive had awsome help, she has cooked, cleaned, done washing, dishes, entertained Kaylee, i have NO idea how im going to cope when she has gone! i will proberly be a mess by 5pm today! and i expect to have takeaways for dinner (yummm sushi, subway!) for tonight, tomorrow night and proberly Monday and Tuesday too! im looking foward to the weekend and for Darryl to be home with me, but unfortunatly because of the way work has been over the past month we dont have the luxury of him taking a week off work like we had planned :( im sure that just by taking things one step at a time, we will be fine though!