I did it :)
It should be on my 101 list, but its not, its something i have ALWAYS wanted to do, and yesterday was the day!
i got my Tattoo, HUGE step for me, huge milestone, a little sad though now, because i have been looking foward to it for so long, and its now over and done with, Darryl said to just remember i have a lasting reminder about the excitement, but i do crave that excitement again, i dont have anything else at the moment to look foward to, so im just going to have to find something :)
what does it mean? the 3 points of the knot, symbolise (to me) my 3 babies, 1 in heaven, and 2 on earth (hence the point upwards and 2 points downwards) the circle that entwines them is the circle of everlasting love, so basically its my everlasting love for my children.
its on my lower (inside) left leg, just above my ankle.
i absolutley LOVE it and i am SO SO SO rapt that i got it.
and yep it hurt, but nothing i couldnt handle. mine took a fraction of the time that my BILs took (he came with me and got one done too, his is a funky sun with YinYang in it, very cool) but yeah, im rapt with it, and so glad i have it. now i want another one :)
How am I doing? im not going to lie and say great, because im not, im pretty shit actually, my Dr has changed my medication because the other stuff wasnt doing anything, and i have to wait a couple of weeks to see if the new meds kick in ok, if they dont then my dose gets increased and i get referred to an organisation for outside help. Its not fun being where i am at the moment, and its so hard for me KNOWING that i want to just snap out of it, KNOWING that all these thoughts i cannot control, as much as im trying and as much as im fighting it i have NO control and its very very hard to lose that, and its very very hard to explain to someone who hasnt been there because a lot of people think that you can just snap out of it, i wish it was that easy.
I now have anxiety ontop of the depression, i freak out at every little thing, im scared all of the time and i find it hard to even do the most basic of tasks, everything just seems very very daunting, and even though i know that this is how i feel, i just cannot do anything to stop it, i dont know how.
so i am still one day at a time, im starting to let my friends help me, and im starting to ask for help, because i think i need to, i find it very hard to be alone, thats when i freak out the most, so if i have my close friends (or family) near me, i tend to be ok. i just want to be normal again.
12 comments:
Hey Carla
I LOVE what your tattoo symbolizes for you. Dunno if I could handle the pain though!
It looks awesome.
Hope you feel better quickly. :-)
Lee
Ohhh just love your tattoo! I have a couple and they both mean the world to me! I have an anxiety problem as well, I don't talk about it in my blog - but I am reminded of it every day when I take my medicine. I can so understand your blog thoughts - I get myself worked up about the smallest things - to the point where I won't sleep, my heart is beating sky high. My husband is supportive but still doesn't understand what it feels like to be not in control. I would love to keep an eye on your blog if you don't mind - you take care of yourself.
Brilliant tattoo Carla! A wonderful example of your love for your babies.
I hope you start to feel better soon *hugs*
I love your tattoo and the meaning behind it!
I think people thinking you can just snap out of depression is like those that think you can just stop eating bad foods and lose weight. There's a whole lot more to it that we sometimes don't have control over.
I think the first step in the right direction, is exactly what you're doing - letting people in, talking about it and speaking to your doctor to get the help you need.
Wishing you all the best.
The tattoo is lovely and the meaning behind it very special.
Hope you can get the meds sorted out. I suffered anxiety attacks over a period of time and they really knocked. People just don't understand, I couldn't understand myself! Being in crowded situations was a real trigger so much that even going tot he supermarket was a major to me. I found hypnosis was one thing that helped me conquer the anxiety. Hang in there and get all the support you can!
Do they do those knots with 8 points? Ah well, I'm gunna get a fish somewhere on me body... they are kinda addictive eh? I only have 1 so far, on the back of my neck quite high up.... want more! The pain is kinda "kinky" I reckon.... weird ...
I hope you are feeling better with the new medication soon. I so know how you are feeling, HUGS.
Loving the tattoo, very cool, and your meaning behind it is so special and lovely!!
Sorry to hear the first meds did not do the trick, I won't pretend to understand what you're going through, but hope that you can see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Big hugs hun xxx
Lovely meaning you have applied to it, the triquetra,is a very meaningful irish symbol, meaning three stages of womenhood, maiden, mother and crone ( youve not reached the 3rd stage as your still a young woman) may it bring peace and the best of Irish luck to you and your family...
Cheers
Hope those meds are doing their trick sweetie, thinking of you.
LOVE the tattoo and what it represents, I am a MAJOR chicken about getting one but all 4 of my sisters have them. Can't wait to see what your next choice is.
Hi Carla
Hope you are getting on top of everything. I always wonder when you have not updated. I love the tattoo too.
Hey hun, just checking in, you've been awol for a couple of weeks. Hope you're doing okay xxx
OMG Hun! I am sure I left a msg here when you first did this post.... but obviously I closed it before making sure I had gotten the word verification right! Love the tattoo! And I hope you are doing ok since its been a couple of weeks since you updated!
Oh we are missing you on EBB too!
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