pics from our holiday - Langs Beach

will do a proper update later! running out of time at the moment!

like always my pics are the wrong way around, lol look from the bottom to the top to get them in order! :)

Im Back!

it was an amazing wedding, a beautiful holiday, now back to reality i am! lol

im trying as we speak to upload photos, but it doesnt seem to want to work for me today for some reason!!!

will be back later to post more and see if it has worked yet! if not i will find another way! the photographers pics arent back yet, but hopefully will be there for us soon, these are just pics from other peoples cameras

12 February 2006

Its soooo quiet here!

All i can hear is my fan going and my fingers typing on the computer!!

i have 95% finished cleaning my house, and my daughter isnt here! lol Kate has kindly taken Kaylee (with Amelia of course!) to the zoo! yay! i have cleaned my house in record time, in between the million phone calls i have had and a wee trip to the local shops to get bread for lunch and post some trademe parcels.

problem is i have been (probably every 10 min or so!) leaping up and running around the house to find Kaylee! only to remember that she is not even here! i do miss her, really! but its so quiet! its just lovely!

Can you believe how fast this week has flown by! its Thursday already! i have my pedicure and fingernails getting done tomorrow, not to mention the surge of visitors and i can imagine a million more phone calls tomorrow too! lol its great though, im really enjoying being the centre of attention for once! and by this time next week, it will all be over, sad aye!!

some postman, is grooving, to all my love letters....

i have this song stuck in my head!! lol

anyway, hi! how you doing?

i dont have much to talk about today really, just doing all the wee bits of tieing up loose ends that you do! lol

i got a wedding invitation from an old school friend today, its around the end of April, the first thing i thought when i read it (she only got engaged on Christmas day!) was oooooohhhh you poor thing! all that planning!! lol

im a nut, i have an appointment next door for my hair trial, lol and i have decided to cook a roast pork for dinner! hmmmmm i think its gunna take forever! but i had a craving for roast pork, apple sauce (home made of course), roast potatos and steamed vege!

15 photos along on this link http://www.charlotte.net.nz/album/northHead/ is the exact spot we will be getting married, right beside the park bench there over looking Rangitoto Island, all of the photos are of North Head, so you can see what a lovely place it is!

ahhh weddings.... :)

Im Sleeping again!!

lol but im still very tired! both physically and emotionally. if anyone had of told me (thanks for not telling me by the way!) that planning a wedding was THIS hard, i would never have done it! lol its not that it has been impossible, there have just been some huge barriers pop up along the way! Lots of them i havent talked about on here, just because i may get done for slander or something! but lets just say what i have talked about it is just a wee bit of everything else!!!!!

This weekend is my last weekend of my life, being a MISS, because next weekend i will be a MRS! it is only now, just tonight really starting to sink in, and really starting to mean something, maybe because (even though i thought nearly everything was done, it wasnt!) everything is done! the reception is paid for the celebrant is booked and organised, the photographer and florist are all in order, the hairdresser and makeup artist are organised, the car, the chairs (for the older people), the kiddy gift bags, the chocolates for the adults, the placecards, the seating plan, the MC, the speeches, the music, the dress, the shoes, the HOLIDAY!!! i have one more dress fitting on Wednesday, an appt with my hairdresser at some stage, an appt with the photographer on Thursday night, and a Pedicure and Manicure on Friday, not to mention Jo, Chris and Rhian coming up on Friday, the rest of my family coming on Saturday, a huge BBQ on Saturday night, and then, at 11am Sunday morning WE ARE HAVING A WEDDING!!!! WAHHHOOOOO!!! i just hope i dont get too drunk that i wont remember! will have to do the 2 glasses of water, i glass of wine thing! i hope more than anything for the day, that it will be a nice sunny day, no rain please!!

As you probably read in Kates blog, we met up this morning for coffee, was nice to get out of the house, but man its hot! we couldnt believe that even inside the mall it was warm! we thought it would be the best place to go to get away from the heat!!

Belinda popped over this afternoon for a chat and to see if anything else needed doing for the wedding, i gave her the job of organising little food/treat bags for the kids, as there will be 7 kids under the age of 2, you can imagine them waiting a few hours to eat... yeah... not! lol so hopefully that will keep them, and me, and their parents happy! Belinda brought me a lovely guest book that she made for Darryl and I, so hopefully that will be signed at the reception by everyone attending.

i starting to get excited now... finally!!! :)

11 more sleeps to go!

its getting close!!

its also getting even more stressful than usual! we had the venue wanting full payment in cash YESTERDAY! thats so not normal is it? Darryls dad has sorted it out so we have an outside party involved, and hopefully all is sorted now. i decided to take the backseat on that one, pick and choose your battles i reckon!!

went to the seamstress today, and for the first time someone knew what the hell they were doing!! once the dress was all pinned up it looked so good! for the first time i was happy with the way my dress looked, the way it felt, the way it sat, im gunna be sooooo purty!!! :) and she is taking one job off my hands and getting the dress pressed and ready to wear on the day for me. very happy about that!

ive had a nice evening, Darryl saw i needed a break from Kaylee and come to get her at about 4.30pm, they are bringing dinner home (Burgerfuel, yum! not too healthy i know... but im really not in the mood for a salad! ive had that every day for a week, im ready for a burger!!

just a quick note today really, trying to keep in touch with the world :)

Lazy Days!

i havent really been doing much lately, ive been enjoying the "down time" before the wedding, the few days this week before the mess of next week starts! only 2 weeks until the wedding now, or as Jo puts it "15 more sleeps!" lol or is it 16? i lose track! 2 weeks is fine enough for me!!

im starting to stock up Kaylees winter wardrobe, have found some fantastic bargains at the moment, lots of specials on. its amazing how much time and effort i put into my daughter looking good, being pretty, having "enough" even though i know she has "too much!" and i dont do that for myself! i dont know why, i dont batter an eyelid at spending $$$ on Kaylee, but i always think twice when its something for me! so this year i will be going out and having a few nice things for me too. the thing is when i buy clothing for Kaylee i always look at the resale value of the items, i sell a lot on trademe, and usually get fantastic prices for the items i sell, lots of the time i get more money for them that what i paid in the first place, so it makes it all worthwhile spending a little bit more at the start for something more "top end" or "labelled" but like i say, i dont put that same effort into myself, i think i need to.

there is a bit of money to be spent after the wedding, i need glasses, have been putting them off for yonks, i wear contact lenses, but i need a new script and my eyes are so tired, im going to rest them for a while and get glasses. be so much easier for day to day life! i also need to get my wisdoms pulled, all 4 of them i think! they are only just, at 24, coming through now, and one in particular is driving me mental! im sure its whats making me feel unwell and icky within myself. i cringe to think what that will cost as well.... money well spent i guess if it makes me better!

Had morning tea with Kate and Amelia today, Kaylee and Amelia are cute, as they get older they tend to recognise each other even if they havent seen each other for a while, and while Kate and i goss and shop, they stay put in their pushchairs (like good babies should! lol) and are usually very well behaved!

Im Stunned

This is a very sad article, this content will offend, im guttered, sad, angry, mad, confused. why? because this woman was my best friend from college, she left when we were 6th form, but we were very close and lost contact a wee while after she left. i often think of what she is up to, how she is etc. well, now i know. she was the most caring person, would do anything for anyone, a little naive sometimes, but hey being a teenager werent we all. i was shown this a few minutes ago, just from the point of view that it is discusting that anyone can treat a baby like that. i dont know what has happened to her to make her this type of person, its really not fair, and it saddens me so much.

on a brighter note, went shopping today (get well soon Kate! i need a shopping bud again, it was boring not having anyone to talk to!) Pumpkin Patch has a great sale on, i got a denim jacket for Kaylee for $15, (was half price!) a long sleeve top and a really cool pair of wide leg capri pants for her. I also got a couple of unisex Newborn items, they were so cute and so cheap, the clucky side of me is starting to kick in! lol

16 days until our wedding, wow, its coming so fast now! ive kind of run out of things to do now! lol i need to organise the dressmaker, but i can leave that till early next week, i have already rung her! and i need to have a meeting with the venue and the photographer, the celebrant is coming over early next week, other than that, its all done! i think! what a relief!!!

lol joke to share

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."
"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

WARNING the following content may offend some viewers, we advise DISCRETION!

lol yup! here they are! they pics (well some of them, i think the people behind the cameras had a few too many! lol) from my hens night! i loaded them wrong, so to see them in order you will have to start at the bottom! it was a great night, and i think the photos show that!!

one thing i did forget to do was to take a pic of my Kahlua and Moro Bar cheese cake! BLISS!!

Enjoy!!!!

xxx

hmmm or does Kani like this one more :) only she knows!!! 

taken off my mobile, so not good quality im sorry! Lu was quite interested in this one methinks! 

LOL yep, had a few to drink by this stage! and yes, it is, a mechanical tounge! see girls! you dont need a man!!!!! 

i think Heras more interested in the one im holding here that i am! lol wayyy too boring for me this one!!! 

see the intense concentration on both Kates and Kanis faces! high tech devices these things are! 

Me playing dress ups! lol your under arrest! i did not however try on the fish nets and boy leg pants to go with it, i didnt have THAT much to drink! 

Kani is totally infatuated with the white one :p 

Back at my house, waiting for the Loving Touch party to start and others to arrive 

all of us at dinner, LoneStar in Takapuna. from the left is Denise (Darryls mum), Rochelle (Darryls sister) myself, Beka, Kate & Belinda 

Me in my BEAUTIFUL veil! lol was red and white with a flashing tiara and condoms attached all over! lol the kids behind me were like muuuum whats that! haha! 

Everybody else is doing it, so why cant I!

1. What were you doing 10 years ago? i was 14 years old, very alone at school, not a good year for me, so in love though, i was in love with a guy i went out with at 13, only went out for a week, wanted him the whole time at college, turns out he didnt think i did, i didnt think he did, we hooked up after school ended. didnt work, i was too pushy, he was too busy.... i still think about him, wonder what hes up to (not in a love way, jsut a wondering way)

2. What were you doing a year ago?living with my 6 mth old daughter and of course Darryl, my sister was living with us for a short time, i was (and still am) a stay at home mum, suffering from horrible post natal depression and trying to pretend i wasnt....

3. Five snacks I enjoy: Grapes, Camembert cheese and bbq rice crackers, pretzels, Hummus and Pita bread, chocolate!

4. Five songs to which I know all the lyrics: ohh so many, im a music freak! Girls just wanna have fun!, just a girl, Ironic, Dead or Alive, why does love do this to me

5. Five things I would do if I were a (MULTI!!) millionaire: buy several cars, several properties, design my own dream home, travel the world, adopt a few babies from war torn countries

6. Five Bad Habits: biting my nails (although i havent done it for 4 weeks now! go me!!) spend wayyy too much time on the internet (esp trademe!) drink too much wine/rum/beer, swear (im SO bad! totally amazed that Kaylee has not yet said a naughty word, i so have a potty mouth!) leaving the clean washing unfolded for ages!! (i have a portacot set up in our bedroom, gets filled with clean washing!!!)

7. Five Things I Enjoy Doing , going to the beach, listening to music, reading, scrapbooking, spending time with just Darryl, Kaylee and myself

8. 5 Things I Would Never Wear (or buy or get); Blue Mascara, scrunch socks, a mini skirt, stilleto heels, plastic earrings

9. Five favourite toys: AHEM!, my computer/internet/blog, my mobile phone, my car, my eftpos card (thats got to be a toy, the amount of pleasure i get from it!)

My Hens Night!!!

It was a blast! I have no photos (yet) as Belinda has them all on her camera, so when she emails them to me I will post them!

we started off at LoneStar in Takapuna, was lovely food, we were a bit rushed though (got asked to leave/go to the bar as they needed the table) and it was pretty cramped, i had never been there before and always wanted to try it, it was worth it for the food, but i think it would have been nice if we were put in a booth or a corner somewhere! i had a lovely fish on potato and spinach bake and a few prawns, and Kahlua and Moro Bar cheese cake for dessert, and yes it was as brilliant as it sounded!! i couldnt eat it all! with a few glasses of wine and a lovely chat it was a really nice dinner

then back to my place where the "Loving Touch" party started, I had a couple of friends leave and a few more arrive and it was a blast! no kids! no men! lots of fun! i was made this cool red and white veil with a plastic flashing Tiara and condoms hanging off it! very purrrty!!! i did try it on at the restaurant, but with all the kids around and them asking "whats that mummy" it got worn for a photo then taken off again!

anyway was a good night, i drank tooooo much, ate toooooo much and laughed a hell of a lot! just what i wanted for my night! i woke up this morning with one hell of a headache and feeling like i was going to puke! but with a peice of toast and huge glass of water and panadol, and a little rest and shower, i was fine again!

i did come online to update this morning, but once i added a comment onto Kates blog... i was ready to fall over! not a good time for all these words!!!

ive been slack!

with talking about food i mean, this probably wont turn into a weight loss blog again for a while, yes while i am still overweight and i am still eating healthy, im not being as strict as i should be, but i really have so much on at the moment its hard to concentrate on one thing over the other! i dont know if its making excuses or not, i guess it is, but i think if i have something else to stress over every week i really wont turn into the most pleasant person in the world to be around! you see im not sure when i should or will start back at Sure Slim again.

Darryl and i have decided to start trying for a new baby on our honey moon, by my dates it will be the perfect time to start, so no phone calls while we are away ok! lol we will be busy!!!! :P i was quite surprised as this decision wasnt mine (obviously im happy about it!) but its Darryls decision, he said to me a few weeks ago, lets get the wedding over with, and (his words not mine) start bonking properly again at the right times etc, lets do it properly, ahhh he has such an um.. sweet way with words!!! lol so you never know, my blog is changing all the time! lol from a weight loss blog, to a wedding blog to a TTC baby blog! its nice to have somewhere to put all my thoughts and as someone who has never had a diary before, its nice to be able to look back on my own life!

Yesterday i sat here reading my first posts. was nearly 5 mths ago, now there is only 3 weeks until our wedding... even though i have lived with Darryl for nearly 5 years (we moved in together 3 weeks after we met!) im still quite nervous about being his *wife* spooky! im gunna be a Mrs! Darryl has just been home and dropped our rings off, they are just perfect!

Meet Tara!

its getting closer to the time, 23 more sleeps according to Jo, yes i have almost daily updates on how long there is left, its pretty cool (i think Jo is more excited than me!) but very scary knowing that the days are flying!

I got a new veil today, i did get one from TradeMe but it was crap, made of curtain material, not bridal stuff, and this new one is very nice, being a first and (cross fingers) only time bride i had no idea what a veil was meant to feel/look like! My bridesmaid Belinda is fixing up the old veil (still brand new, just crap!) and we will sell it again on TradeMe! it looks a million times better now with what B has done to it than it did before, but still, its not me, this new one is much better! oh and i also got a ring pillow today! very nice one, perfect for the dogs (Tara) collar! i dont think you have had the pleasure of meeting Tara before, she is a huge part of our life, so is obviously going to be part of the wedding, the ring bearer dont ya know! she is a 3 year old English Springer Spaniel and is just amazing around Kaylee and a real hard case of a dog! so once she is all groomed unsmelly and looking beautiful with a satin ribbon and a ring pillow, she will be a wonderful part of our wedding too.

i had a pedicure today, omg i will so be getting one once a month, i am loving having no dead skin (sorry if tmi i have crap feet) lovely smooth soles, and perfectly manicured toes, i feel so nice! like a well groomed woman for once! and i got a lovely surprise! Darryls sister paid for it without me knowing! and i got given a $50 voucher on top of that from the people who do the beauty therapy! so i have booked another pedicure the friday before the wedding, the same day my nails are being done, so i will have beautiful hands and feet! so spoilt!

Is anyone else in NZ loving all the cool crime, forensic, real life storys on at the moment! not only do we have the CSI's etc, but the true ones rock as well! im a real freak i guess, i find death (like murder etc,) horrible and sad, but so fascinating how they work out who did it!

Darryls stag night is tomorrow night, my hens night is the night after, im a bit nervous as it sounds like Belinda has some horrible wig for me to wear! Kate! help! i am really the type of person who gets upset at being embarressed, i hate it and i really want to just enjoy my night and not be embarressed at all by anything. i dont mind wearing it at home later, just out at the restaurant i would so rather not! but we will see, im very strong willed and usually get my own way...... ha!

wedding layout!

i found one! do you like it??

very fitting to the occasion dont you think??

ok, calmed down now!

its amazing what a good nights sleep does! i needed that vent, i needed to get my anger out, now as you said, lets concentrate on this wedding! MY WEDDING!!!

Things are slowly falling into place with the wedding, i have the Notice of Intended Marriage in front of me, just filled it out, Darryl will take it in tomorrow to do all the bits that go with it, i will be emailing our celebrant soon with a few details she was wanting and im about to buy a ring pillow off trademe, god i love trademe! lol my dress, my flowers, my cake, my veil, my invitations (hand made) have all come from Trademe, for a fraction of what shops do them for, its been so cool to have the online option right infront of me!

im looking foward to my pedicure tomorrow, Pampered on Location are coming out to me, im getting the works done, lower leg and exfoliation, massages, french polish, hopefully my ugly toes will be all pretty! i have never had a pedicure before, hence my excitement of getting it done! no biggy for some people, but for me its going to be (much to Darryls financial disgust) the first of many!

i brought some place name cards the other day, thought i got enough, but i counted wrong, now i cant find the same ones anywhere! so one table is going to be different! lol pain in the bum, but oh well! its the back table anyway!

i have a tonne of housework to do now... better get started!

VENT ALERT!!!!

Ok, this is not going to be a happy post, its going to be me getting EVERYTHING out, i make no apologies for any bad language or ill mannered comments, because i am PISSED OFF!!!

My own father, who only lives in Wellington (im in Auckland) has left it until today, the 17th of January, to tell me he is not coming to my wedding. the RSVP date was last Monday the 9th of January, he knew the date of the wedding since mid last year, then reminded again of it in October and November, the Wedding invitation was sent early December, he asked for time off work YESTERDAY! (i dont even know for sure if he actually asked, he just told me he did, i will bet ya 5 bucks he didnt. he just doesnt want to come. yes i have had problems with my father since he walked out on my mother, HUGE problems, but my own wedding? AND his only grandchilds naming ceremony?? how can you have a conscience! he has NOT even met Kaylee who is 18mths old now. he STILL forgets her name sometimes. I just get so angry with him and so hurt that he doesnt give a flying fuck about me. its so frustrating and it PISSES ME OFF. he said he just cannot afford to take time off (what is it dad, they wouldnt let you or you cant afford??) because they are SOOOOO POOR, yes teh lovely new Mercedes costs a lot to get groomed doesnt it, and the hundreds of thousands you are sitting on since you sold your house and havent brought a new one yet, thats just hurting your ass too much isnt it! oh and dont forget the trip to America in April for HER sons wedding, that YOU are paying for, but oh are too poor to help contribute to mine! dont forget you promised my two younger sisters a holiday to come with you too. but my al cheapo wedding, done everything on the absolute cheapest i could, just to have everyone i want, who means something to me attend, thats just not good enough for him. WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE TO YOU DAD! WHAT!!!

Just sux, fucken hurts like anything, i feel so friggin unwanted right now. you think i would be used to it, im 24 years old, he left when i was 20, ive had 4 years of let downs and bullshit. but hes my father. its probably easier hes not coming, he would get some serious questioning by certain friends and family members and my wedding isnt the place for it, but surely he could have come up for one day, one very special day for my wee family

im so emotional, so stressed out, trying really hard to get everything done nicely for this wedding, when can i start enjoying my wedding??? my hormones are all up the shit, since i lost the baby i have not wanted to get pregnant again at all, a few weeks ago i would have been so happy to leave it another year, but this last week i have been missing my baby so much, just wanting and wishing it back into my stomach. this is meant to be a happy time for me, this is meant to be MY TIME, and i just cannot enjoy it. my hens night is on Saturday night, there have been quite a few people invited and only 3 people have said yes they are coming, i love those people to bits that are coming, so im glad they rsvpd first, in one case within minutes!!! but what about the rest? my bridesmaid Belinda is organising it having a hell of a time getting people to let her know what they are doing, is it THAT HARD to say yes or no? these are meant to be people who are meant to give a shit about me, god knows i have gone out of my way for them, and they dont have the decency to say yes they are or no they arent coming to something so important to me!?!?! i feel so little right now, so farking worthless, i try so hard for so many people, why the hell should i bother any more???

give me one good reason

ahhh relax!!!!

Hullo! havent i been slack! yet again!

Actually, i have been so busy! shopping, phoning, emailing, organising! its full on planning a wedding! even a cheapy one like mine!!!

Had a phone call from Heavenly Gardens, they are working towards being heavenly again! lol i have been told not to worry, things are going to be perfect! yayay! Darryl & Paul (Darryls best man) got their suits on Friday, and today i went out and got placecards and some things for Kaylees Naming ceremony (part of our wedding ceremony) i found some georgous clips for Kaylees hair and some earrings for me and i have also been in touch with a lovely seamstress who is going to make my dress fit me better, its a little big! YEAH!

i only need to do a couple more things now, 1 is to find a ring pillow another is to find some satin ribbon for our flowers and the last is to find something for our guests, im thinking a nice chocolate for each person (put beside their placecard) but we will see how finances go once we get the dog groomed, hair and makeup paid for, cake paid off, flowers paid off and celebrant paid off!!! not to mention the wedding certificate and the permit through DOC!

makes me tired just reading it! lol

Kaylee this evening, drinking her nighttime bottle (or her Bubba as she calls it!) trying on Daddys work shoes!! 

My new Shoes :) went shoe shopping today and i love them! just need a pedicure now!!! im 6ft tall, hence the lowww heel! 

Kaylees Shoes, i had others picked for her, but i like these more, ALOT more fitting and suitable! found these today too, been a VERY productive day! 

Kaylees Dress, have had this for over a year, was a bargain i couldnt pass up, it is so lovely, and really suits her too! 

Happy Birthday to ME!

yup im one year older today, 24 to be exact, i used to get so excited about my birthday, used to celebrate it and really enjoy it. today has been doing housework and i went out shopping, still looking for a white strapless bra! can you believe i have been into sooooo many shops and cannot find a white strapless bra to fit my boobies (i have big boobies by the way) they have them in ivory, in black, in cream, in tan, in beige, lol not in white!!! i got home, jumped on the computer and found one, had been just listed on trademe! lol i shouldnt of gone anywhere! oh well, i have brought it and paid for it, and am now just waiting for it to arrive so i can see if it fits or not! lol

so yes my birthday, i got a nice card from Darryl, and when i got back from the shopping he had been home and put 2 live crayfish in my fridge! yum!! so my sister Belinda, who is staying with me for a few days, and i sat down and had crayfish for lunch! ahhh bliss! now im sitting down with a glass of wine and just relaxing! lol i have a house inspection tomorrow, i might just pay my sister to do the gardening for me, i just cant be assed anymore!! its my birthday, the only one i get a year, im going to sit down and relax now with my wine!!

CHEERS!!!

Its all about ME!

yup MEMEMEMEMEMEME!!!!! lol i have decided that this year i will take no shit, and look after myself, do things that i want to do, and act my blardy age! im only 23 for gawds sakes, i act like im 40 some days! i guess thats what happens kind of when you have a kid, but you can be responsible and a good parent and still act your age and have fun.... i think!!!

ok busy day planned tomorrow, got to book, organise and yell at a few people! lol went to the place we are having the wedding reception today for lunch... its a MESS! the garden is over grown (its called Heavenly Gardens, i want them heavenly!!!) and there is JUNK everywhere!!!!! so a phone call will happen tomorrow!!

we went up to Kaukapakapa today to see my Granddad then on to Silverdale to see Darryls family, so a busy day really, and im stuffed!

And Kate, yes, Darryl was meant to organise the going away after the wedding.... i got stuck with that too, otherwise it wouldnt have got done, he hasnt even organised his suits yet..... ARGH!! im SO tearing my hair out! ahhhh BREATHE!!!

Im Bridezilla! dont mess with meee!!!!!!

hehe i have turned into Bridezilla! ok not AS bad as the woman on the tv program, but give me a few days, i WILL get there!

we get married on the 12th of February, wow, a month to go, holy crap!!!!! i have SO much to do, pay all the bills, chase up RSVPs, get a tan touch up, get my nails done, get a pedicure, find shoes, get a veil, get my hair coloured and have a play with my hairdresser (not like that, get your mind out of it, you dirty dirty people!) get shoes for Darryl, get Darryls hair cut, ( i have to organise this, if i wont nobody will!) i have to find earrings and a bracelet to wear, have meetings with the florist, photographer, cake maker, celebrant, book a taxi, have a dress fitting, buy a strapless bra, pay DOC for using their land, find my bridesmaid a necklace and things to wear in her hair, get the marriage certificate and organise the reception! lol WHEW! lol and why do i have my ass on the computer you may be asking?? because i havent updated for YONKS!!! and im also online looking at places to stay in Paihia, after the wedding Darryl and i are going here http://www.royalpalmlodge.co.nz/ for a nice relaxing time for a couple of nights, and then up to Paihia for 2-3 nights we will go, i have some quotes just come through so will sit down with Darryl tomorrow (hes out having a life, while im slaving my ass off at home! argh!) and see where he likes, i have always wanted to go to the bay of islands, my family history is up there at Waitangi, so cant wait to have a good look around, hopefully even get in a cruise to the hole in the rock as well, be great!

Ok, question, i am a perfume freak, love the stuff, cant wear a lot of the stronger scents as i get a migraine, but have a basket full of perfumes in my room, cant go a day without it, fell naked when i dont have any on.... ok, ANYWAY lol what should i wear for my wedding day? any ideas? im a bit stuck on whether i should wear one i already have, or find a nice new one to remind me of my wedding day, you know??

We brought our rings yesterday, ahhh relief, at least that is done! lol Darryl is getting Titanium with a gold setting and i am getting gold with a row of diamonds, ahhh so nice, mine has to be made for me in order to fit right against my engagement ring, and Darryls is being brought in brand new as the jeweller (lovely old man in Browns Bay) didnt want Darryl to have the shelf model, lol he had to have one untouched, so sweet!

Christmas was good, i was spoilt with earrings, perfumes, books and a dvd from Darryl, very lucky indeed. then on the 30th of Dec off to Whitianga Camping we went, as you know i had been looking foward to this for YONKS! and on the 1st day when the tent was up, Kaylee asleep and i sat down to my lindaur and crayfish it was all worth it, well the first day was good at least!

some people have NO consideration for anyone but themselves, and the supposedly "family friendly" campground was party central, sure the music had to be off by 10.30 but the talking, yelling, singing, fireworks didnt stop until very late (like 4am!) so we were pretty stuffed! i mean we could definatly understand new years, thats not a prob, but every other night, it was so inconsiderate... we actually went to my mums a day earlier than planned, just to get some sleep! (after camping we stayed at mums for a few nights) during the day it was pretty cool at the camp site, just lounged around and relaxed with our friends Shaun, Belinda & their daughter Georgia (1 yr) and K, P and their son C (9 mths) however it didnt help that K and P were having domestics (they have had domestics since the day they met!) and decided to take it out on everyone else as well... fun... NOT! so we all got a little sick of them really! and just ended up ignoring them and carrying on with our own fun! lets just say that if we go camping again they wont be invited! so if we pull out the noisy inconsiderate people and the lovely domestics, it was a pretty cool time! lol

we got home on the evening of the 5th of Jan, and i have turned into the full blown wedding planner.... and im stuffed already! lol my bridesmaid Belinda is organising me a hens night, hopefully its just Dinner and then back to my place for a Loving Touch (Sex toys and lingere) party, but knowing Belinda, she will throw something else in im sure!! we will see, but its sure to be a good time anyway! its really nice after the last several years to other peoples weddings, that its finally my turn, and i tell you im really enjoying the attention! lol

but i must say, i have drunken WAY too much wine lately......

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

I just really want to wish you all, and your familys a very merry, safe and happy Christmas and fun New Years!!!!

The last few weeks have been very emotional, and hard, but i have had so much support and love from so many places it has really helped so much.

im very much looking foward to christmas, looking foward to going away on holiday to Whitianga, camping with Darryl and Kaylee, then we have some friends joining us for New Years, it will be just great. im looking foward to blobbing with some wine and grapes and cheese (my favorite type of blobbing!) and just really spending time with my little family.

my wedding is only 7 weeks away, and things are sailing along just wonderfully at the moment, its really nice, but will be nicer when Darryl has a few days off work, he has been working from 6.30am till 9.30pm every single day (no days off!) for the last few weeks, i just cant wait to have him home again, will make everything just perfect :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! HAPPY NEW YEARS!! i hope Santa treats you all real good!!!!!


xxxxx

my heart is broken

unfortunalty im not pregnant anymore, i feel like my heart is being ripped in two, its so hard to deal with, its hard to type about, its hard to talk about, its hard to think about. im so guttered that i miscarried, im so guttered that i will never get to know this child, whether its a boy or a girl, what their personality is like, what they would have looked like, im so guttered that Kaylee has missed out this time on a little brother or sister and im guttered that we have missed out on our baby.

it hurts, im angry, im frustrated, im sad, all these emotions and all this pain. its really just not fair. i just have to take heart i think that it just wasnt meant to be this time, it will happen again one day, we just have more time with just Kaylee now and we have to cherish that

i wont post for a while, i think i need time to myself to grieve and mourn and scream and yell. i dont know how long it will take though.....

Look what i did!

i got photo taking today, and im sooo happy with how they turned out, even Darryl (the camera photo taking freak) was impressed!

I booked my first scan today, for Tuesday morning, it will be good to see exactly how far along i am and how everthing is progressing, oh yes and if there is in fact only 1 child and not 2 (well you never know!)

i havent been anywhere or done anything today, and its been really nice, Kaylee has had 2 nice sleeps (she needed them! we have been up since 6am!) and she has just gone out with Darryl in his car for a ride while i have a much needed sleep! which is where i am off to right now!!!!!

:) 

:) 

isnt she beautiful! 

HELLO!

yep ive been slack at posting! im sorry!

its been a very busy week actually, im getting a bit stressed, but trying not to stress at the same time! with the Wedding, Baby, Christmas, Camping Holiday, Birthdays coming up, and Bills to pay at the same time, guess whos left to do it all! yup me! ahhhhh deep breaths! Half of its my fault because once again i have spent wayyy too much recently and have incurred a few bills.... DOH! ANYWAY!!!!........

as i said its been a busy week, i have been trying to catch up with friends, book appointments, keep appointments, finish Christmas shopping and relax at the same time! im sooooo tired!

This pregnancy already is totally different then when i was pregnant with Kaylee, i was severly ill with Kaylee, vomiting every day until late pregnancy, where as i am nearly 7 weeks pregnant now and no morning sickness at all! to put my mind at ease im having an early scan done very soon just to make sure its all ok in there and things are growing as they are meant to! The only thing similar to my pregnancy with Kaylee is Chocolate milk, its all i want, chocolate milk (skim milk of course!) but i must really need the calcium because its a huge craving!

what else have i been doing... oh yes i found out that my friend who had her baby the day before i did (yes not only was Amelia born the same day as Kaylee, my other pregnant friend due around the same time had her baby the day before!!!) is pregnant again too! she is due around May, but has only just recently found out! and hopefully fingers crossed another couple of friends testing on the weekend will get positives too!! i love babies!!!!!

i met my midwife yesterday, she is soooo lovely! i clicked with her straight away, shes so not wishy washy, she has actually had children (4) herself AND i will be allowed to do what i want to do and where i want to do it this time!!! WAAAHOOOOOO!!! so yes she is very cool

Kaylee had her MMR jabs last week, and last night the reaction came through, high temp, really grizzly, didnt go down until 9.30, here i was thinking ahhh nice she will sleep until at least 8am, ahhh NO! 6am, just after Darryl left for work she started, and has been a big poo ever since! so she is back in bed already and will hopefully sleep the rest of the crappy mood away and wake up my lovely happy daughter!

Kaylee is SO independent at the moment, she wants to do everything herself, which is ok at home, but when we are out feeding and being in the pushchair is such a mission and makes me so stressed out! i brought her a book the other day which will arrive soon, which is called "there is a house inside my mummy" about a new little brother or sister growing in mummys tummy, very cute and very fitting i thought!!!

im hungry, but i dont know what i want to eat, nothing appeals, i REALLY want Sushi, but we all know i cant have that anymore, next on my list is Subway, once again i cant have that anymore either..... maybe a chocolate milk :p

oh yes and my due date has changed, may change again at the scan, but thats ok! lol i am due the 22nd of July, the EXACT same date Kaylee was due!!! freaky aye!!!